a small bone in my foot has decieved me, but lately i've taken to
two inner mindsets:
1. if i'm injured--not even my family will know, if possible. part of my
being able to be like running water is my ability to procede with training,
etc...so if i'm tape a rib, or strap a foot [and not draw attention to my
not being able to do drive backs for a time]...i convince myself i'm
a spartan, and those close to me feed into that mindset if i can keep my
injury to myself. i don't like people knowing about injuries, i've had injuries
in my old dojo and it brings out a quality in people that seek to kick you
when you're down. you find coordinated people suddenly treading on your
broken toes, slapping the big cut on your arm [oops, sorry...i forgot]. it
must be some subconscious thing that is happening that seeks to remove
a threat permenantly--and advance an individual at another's weak moment.
2. i dupe my mindset. i have muscle memory of really nailing someone to the
wall, when i was injured by him. and more still of being held back from doing
as much to an advanced upper belt in TKD who suddenly realized just how little
his belt rank meant to me once he had injured me. he used his rank, and his
followers to seperate me from him. for this personal reason, when i walk into
the world with an injury, my thought is--to a potential attacker, "you did this
to me, and now you're going to pay for it...exponentially". i draw from my
experiences in a way that feeds me. i've not gotten past near misses. but i feel
how it feeds me. i take to heart Richie's advance on controling 'states'. this is
a state that is potentially negative, once redirected though, is capable of serving
the explosiveness within me.
i've also made a conscious decision not to fook with what i now realize is a
metaphorical achilles heal. i've been in a few real fights, and loads more sports
fights. what i find is a wisdom that came from the ashram. my guru used to tell
everyone to worship their own breath as god. people initially didn't understand
the wisdom in it. here's the wisdom, "if you can't breath, what the fook are you
going to do to find inner peace, wisdom, Brahma, whatever???" it's the same as
the phsical types of yoga. the whole 'body as temple' means, "without your health,
you're not even going to be a good book critic--if you're in a hospital weezing from
pneumonia". the weakest link then can suddenly become the most important link.
for this reason--even as i have real street success with my 'foot-instep', i'm going
to gradually coax my shin into play instead. i fight more with my hands anyway, but
what the fook am i going to do if i can't propel myself? my foot, now, becomes the
most important part of my arsenol...even as my sole plan is to headbutt, elbow, jab/
cross, and jap slap someone into the next world if i have to. my legs have the forward
drive of football player--they're crucial to my success.
i've made the conscious effort to keep them a high priority in my gradual evolution toward
what can only be described as:
minimizing my damage
maximizing theirs
knees and shins are in...instep for me is out, unless it comes out on automatic pilot--as it
has done so in the past.
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