interesting self protection challenge

A little background, then the problem

My immediate manager is a guy in his mid 40's. Not a big guy but fairly thick set. He has a reputation in the past of being quite handy, particulary having a record of sparking out some large local doormen. He also has a history of grabbing hold of people at work and putting them up against the wall. He's never been physical in the 2 years I've worked for him but he's a prolific verbal bully. He's also expert in not going so far that his behaviour outweighs his contribution to the business in the eyes of the Directors.

Now, I've never had any trouble with him but that's mainly because I don't talk to him very much. I keep my head down and move up the ladder by being noticed by people above him. Although he's strictly speaking, my department manager, I do most of my work for a company Director who's a much nicer bloke and pleasant to talk to.

So here's the situation. Last friday morning, Me, a collegue and the director are stood pleasantly talking about a work related matter, when from his desk, bully manager pipes up,
"How come when <director A> or <director B> are in the room you laugh and talk but when they're not, you don't say a fucking word to anyone?"
"because they speak to me," I answered, suprised by the sudden aggression in his voice.
"because you're a nob" he replies, again, pretty agressively.
Now, I'm not the victim type. All eye's were on me for my response, including the director in the room. I responded with a simple "Fuck Off"

Well he flew out of his seat.
"you can't tell me to fuck off...rant...say it outside...rant...I want him reported (to directed)"etc
I think the presence of the director prevented him from going physical there and then. After being spoke to by the director he grabbed his car keys and went out for a day of site visits to cool off. My director spoke to me and said obvioulsy you can't be telling your boss to fuck off, but he saw the unprovoked verbal attack so he understood my response.

Now, here's the problem part. Nothing's been said yet by my manager, but if he goes for me I have to get the response just right. I certainly can't use a pre-emptive strike. I'm out of a job if I do. In fact I'm pretty sure even if I hit him back, push him off or even restrain him with any real effectiveness I could be in trouble. If this goes physical I have to resist almost all the training I do and let him hit me. At a push I suppose I'll be using my training to cover my chin and make any strike he throws unlikely to knock me out. I don't mind taking a punch from bigger guys than him when sparring.

Odd situation to be in though hey?
Thinking about it, getting punched would be an excellent result.
wish me luck

my humble opinion from having my job in question many times: with an engineer (near fight); with a trainer for the gambling section of a ticket booth (crooked fooker who tried to steal and have it look like me); with a manager in a record store (my routine lateness and his distrust of me not being one of the crew that goes out drinking with him); etc....etc....

...i'd play it like you've forgotten about it. like the role you're playing is that of a detached calm fooker. with any luck he'll not want to get on the shite end of his own superior. don't bark. walk away. in this way if he becomes a performing monkey--AGAIN, it's his show all the way to onlookers. and if he acts like he's going to put his hands on you. well, i know perspectives can be unclear when your job/money is on the line, but the uncomfortable place you're trying to avoid is ALREADY THERE. i'd take the mental state of a feisty woman (not joking) act like you're a professional trying to be left alone to do your work. if he puts his hands on you in any way, then take on that, "don't fooking touch me!" angle. like some incensed person who will 'not stand for this', and let the physicality take on a nasty blocking and moving direction. get his monkey ass fired. right now, because of the fear of job security, it seems like you're preparing to dangerously feed into his retarded power circle. don't be appologetic. everything you did thus far seems on the money. your job will be no more/no less in jeopardy than it already is.

i know it's always easier said than done. but right now, i think you should act the consumate professional. and even act nonchallent, like you've disassociated on to another subject...beer...mushy peas...your favorite song. fook him and the mental space he's already scent marked in your brain. fook him.

no, I'm certainly not going to try and wind him up, but also as you suggest, apology isn't on the cards either.
I'll just carry on as if nothing happened and let him bring it up again if he wants.
I've just been promoted without having to go through him, so him not liking me doesn't appear to be cramping my career. I should say, my director made it clear my value to the company is clear to him and my job is safe. The department head doesn't hold that power fortunately. That job safety would obviously change if I thumped him.

The job is far too well paid to risk it tangling with this caveman, as much as I'd love to teach the thug a lesson. I think it was a big enough shock for him to have someone stand up to him verbally.

...sounds like you know what you're doing mate

Good luck Adam,

It sounds like it he goes for you, you will be able to soak it up. If he did I imagine he would get the sack.

Maybe this is one of those times when you need some Oscar Wilde style repartee.

Him - Oi, AdamM, you're a bastard!

You - A bastard am I? Well far better to have been conceived by a Miss than to have been mis-conceived.

(Cue applause and knowing laughter.)

You're gold until he figures out what you said.

from what you've said I think its very unlikely that "Mr Overcompensation" will do anything that actually harms his job, so I think the physical is the least of your issues

... though my advice, should you need it, would be to be smart and leave no marks- let him hit first then pimp slap the taste out of his mouth

psychologically- if you want to resolve it then you should speak to him about it, if you want to torture him say nothing and actively ignore him as much as you can, people with tiny penises (spiritually speaking) hate being ignored, thats why they make so much noise, think of a baby with a nappy full

for your own personal development, you should try loving and forgiving him.... thats purely for your own benefit so evil resentment energies dont build up inside you... if he actually starts shit, forgive him then lovingly slap him silly- it will benefit his spiritual growth

AdamM

how about when bully boy starts his crap, you loudly (letting as many co workers become witnesses as possible)let him know that your are clearly unhappy with his verbose language, and that under the circumstances you feel threatened by his behaviour and as such leaves you no option but to start recording the times and dates that theses incidents occur as you DO NOT attend work and expect to feel threatend by anyone, least of all a manager! I used to work for a small man whom was very angry, but like the guy you mention, would do enough to intimidate but not enough to receive any sort of warning. What did this small angry man hate? Well, if you turned your back on him and walked away without responding he would go truly ballistic, and would leave the building to cool down in the car park.These sort of people do seem to prevail, somehow they either get way with it or are stangely tolerated by all. No one wants to lose a job, especially now with the current financial climate, but I feel that pointing out his wrong doing to him loudly in public with winesses would be a start.

Good luck mate

Interesting because i've just had a similar situation at work. I haven't posted it because I have been able to handle it so far. (This is only a brief description, theres more going on)

Basically my sister was going out with a guys son who does security with me (the dad does security with me I mean).

First this guy has only one way of handling things.. aggression.. i've never seen him calmly and rationally talk to someone while having to eject them, so I always take the lead and have him incase it kicks off.

Anyway, they didn't like my sister going out with him and are trying to get a restraining order on her, I felt something may have happened so I went and asked him what was happening.

Basically in the end he wouldn't talk about it, got defensive and attacked me because I was asking questions. (There is something going on in the family I feel, abuse of the son, the son has said that his dad has hit him before).

Anyway the guys at work said they would rather have me there and don't consider him an important part of the team and the boss made him leave.. because after it I said I was leaving but the boss convinced me to stay and made him leave.

Anyway I went and made a police statement earlier about it and plan to get him charged. I'm used to being assaulted by customers but this is not on.. and I was rationally trying to discuss it and him attacking me for that tells me obviously something else is up. He has also been trying to find out our address (before this incident), and for what other reason would he want it but to cause trouble.

Anyway.. what i'm trying to communicate, is if this guy does attack you as you suspect then you will be in a strong position.. but it also depends what the other workes and bosses think of him..

And I have no problem leaving the job if they let him stay, which I wouldn't think would happen.

But of course in your job it sounds you are more settled and looking at it as a career. In my case I don't care because I don't care if I have to get a new job.

Good luck.

-Ben