Potential fight.. because of my sister (again) :(

So my sister has nearly got me in trouble a few times.. but she has calmed down since then, but some of the dodgy people she hung around and still talks to, seem to be still at it.

A few months ago she broke up with a guy she was living with in a caravan, she knew him from school but moved in after being together 2 weeks (FUCKING STUPID).. anyway it didn't work out.

They had some of each others stuff, and she gave him his cd's back and he gave her dvd's back, but it ended up he was being dodgy and kept some of them. She knows he is living at a certain house with his girlfriend and another guy with his girlfriend. The other guy is my friends brother and we get along ok.

Anyway I simply went down with her to talk to him, nothing aggressive, just sort it out and try to get her stuff, and thought it would just be simply this. I come down because my sister finds it hard to handle these things and just gets upset and cries which is of no use.

She drove me down and we went to the house, she rang my friends brother before and said 'wanna catch up'.. (seems the subtle way, or just being scared to ask outright), I don't get why she rang this guy but anyway.

We went to the house and the guy she rang come out and I could tell my sister was scared to ask if her ex was there, so I just asked and he got angry and was saying loudly "he doesn't live here hes down the road somewhere".. and before I could even respond some big guy come out and yelled aggressively "he isn't here" and I said "Its ok I was just asking" hes like "well you got a fucking answer" and I said "Its ok calm down, you don't have to be like that" which made him more angry and he was like "why dont you come out here and say that" and at that time another big guy come walking out behind him.. I knew what was going on and could see them making their way over to have a go, so I just told my sister to drive off. I wasn't going to risk this just for a few dvd's, also who knows who else is in the house.. not worth it.

She was all upset "what will I do now", I told her not to worry about it because it will cause too much trouble.. and that its not worth this bullshit.

I really thought it would be all peaceful and okay, I really didn't see this coming.. but i'm glad that we didn't go inside to visit these guys, I wouldn't of thought much because in the past I got along with my friends brother. But if we went inside I would have been trapped in with these big guys, whoever else is in there, with only me and my sister.. now I can fight a little bit but wouldn't go near those guys at all unless I really had to, and then i'd have to look out for my sister at the same time, not a good situation.

I told my sister to forget it, it happens, its not worth the trouble, but she won't let it go, won't listen to me and is going to try to get them through other friends who are friends with these guys. The guy (her ex) wouldn't even answer the phone or anything, so I feel due to the reaction we got and because he won't answer the phone, he was there and is trying to hide for some reason.

I'm not asking for advice on how to get the dvd's back, I don't give a fuck. What i'm worried about is my sister getting herself into trouble, she has no idea and can't handle these kinds of things, she just breaks down and cries, its happened a few times that i've had to go down and bail her out, it hasn't come to violence so far, but it has come close a few times, and now is another time.. all because she hands out with dickheads..

Don't think I can talk sense into her, as she is a 19 year old girl and has no idea about these things..

And I don't know how I could teach her avoidance or even awareness, she has none of this.. and even if I knew how to teach her, I don't think she would listen..

Frustrated!

-Ben

What you did seemed perfectly sensible.

The only solution is to get the police involved, but I can't even believe I put solution and police in the same sentence.

It is definetly not worth getting into a coma or smashed teeth over some DVDs.

my advice goes only to you. expectation is the biggest cause of
unhappiness. you have a sister that is going to do this again and
again. this isn't meant as an insult. thinking this will make it easier
for you to deal with her. my sister, my older sister at that...i've been
bailing out since i was a 16 year old going to the job of some jack
ass to get her bicycle back, all the way to taking a pistol (while getting
her stuff back) on the most recent incident (maybe about 10 years
ago) that turned sour. at the risk of seeming too forward, is she acting
out something...my sister seemed perpetually driven to act out the
disfunctions that existed in my family lore that go back like 4 or 5
generations. if that is the case, she will have to find her way. and you
will have to take all her problems one at a time, assuming she's going
to fuck everything up, but being there for her anyway. and there's a
strong chance violence will creep into the picture, so know emotionally
and physically what you are going to do about it. when police and courts
entered the picture with our family, guess who was first to drop the
charges and feel sorry for the poor bastard? don't set yourself up, you're
in for a long ride so be detached and caring--and don't fixate on successful
outcomes, only successful brother-supportive-behavior. i had deal with
being chosen over her idiot brutes many times--for making too strong of
a showing--if you catch my drift.

good luck.

I thought about the police Southpaw, but as I said to my sister they are not going to care because its not enough to get them involved. I can also see it from the other side, and these dodgy people probably know the legal system well, theres nothing stopping them from making us look bad "they come to our house asking questions and starting trouble and I told them to leave".. not true, but I can see them using that kind of thing.

I've told her to let it go.. and I told her the 2 solutions would be police or for me to take some people down there, and that I am not going to do either. But I shouldn't have even said that to her, I have to be selective with what I tell her. Because this has happened before and the guys who i've nearly come to blows with she still ended up being friends with and not long after saying she will not go near them she was hanging around them again..

So it probably won't be long she is hanging around with those people and telling them my thoughts on the situation, which were ment just for her.

Quote :

i had deal with
being chosen over her idiot brutes many times--for making too strong of
a showing--if you catch my drift.

I'm guessing you mean that you went to 'deal with them' and then your sister tried to make you look like the bad one and told you that you were in the wrong because they are 'good people'..

The first main incident, a guy had a knife behind his back, and the other guy involved threatened me at work, and she was saying 'its okay their good people'.. the second guy is back in jail for stealing a car and smashing it up..

So yeah.. thanks Russel for making me realize this..

As for her acting out something.. we'll she rebelled alot when she turned 18, because my parents were totally crazy and protective, I had the same thing, I rebelled by just staying out late when they told me to be home, I didn't go crazy like my sister... she just can't handle things that well.. hmm and I don't know how she will be able to handle things if i'm always there to deal with it all.

I learnt from when I was 18 from several things happening, luckily I had a mentor to guide me at the time, he helped me learn from it and taught me, but still knew I had to deal with it myself because he wasn't always there. But the difference is I was prepared to listen, and my sister isn't.

Well, more for me to think about.

-Ben

...i think we have alot in common. and yeah, that's what i meant by
the quote you referenced. she actually said, "how can i leave him
after what my brother did"...fuck me. worst of all, one of her problems
was a complete loon and blew it out of proportion--boarding up his
windows under the assumption that the gun i took from him would
be used to fire on him through his window. what a fucking nutter he was.
all i did was give it over to the police, who did nothing. there was a
rumor that my sister readily believed, that i even pissed in his mouth
wash bottle. i wish i had in retrospect. i would have 'shat' in his fridge
if i had known it would have affected him so much. ha ha. sounds like
you have a good head on your shoulders. i had a mentor too. someone
to taught me to meditate, and made me feel like i had alot of work to
do on myself before i was going to get anywhere. it made me focus on
different things.
with serial unhealthy relationship people, stay detached, you'll think you're
gaining headway and your ego will feel let down when they turn 180 degrees on you and forget all you've done. the one i referenced wasn't
the worst of them, he was just the most memorable--he 'wanted to see
me in a coffin with my mum crying over it'...i quote.

your sister will grow tired of it all...eventually. but not by your help--if
you catch my drift.