I always think of you. I always invite you. I always reach out to you. When I plan something you are one of the first people I think of sharing the idea with. Be it a small outing like a comedy show or a huge deal like proposing to my girlfriend. You were clearly in the running for first choice as best man when I marry.
I’ve been there for you during hard times, and if you had allowed me, I’d be there more during those times. I would have loved to see you graduate and share your in your pride. I’d be a friend, for better or worst.
I see you, our friendship, as one of my deepest connections to another human being. You have been closer as a friend to me than some actual blood relatives. (Mom, sisters, dad and son aside).
We share similar interest. You do things I would love to do. I love your company dude. I must say, I sure do love to hang out with you. Just being around you makes me feel so good. Its natural, like being with another part of myself. Only you and 2 or so (at most) lifelong friends can be classified in such a manner. I can be me with you, you bring that out my friend.
Yet you never reach out to me, you never ask me along, you never initiate. Your lack of consideration hurts me deeply. I feel I don’t mean as much to you, as you do to me.
We both lead busy lives. I know this. I’m sure there’s some reason you never seek me out. I always over think things. I know, I’m a drama queen. These are just oversights. Nothing personal.
Why do you make things personal Angel? Why do you make it about you? You are such a queen Angel, man up. F it.
Here is the sad reality, the unfortunate end result.
I will always love you. I will always treasure you. I will never ever forget you or what you mean to me. But these things will be buried. Its already begun. Its quite advanced actually. I feel the vulnerability for a moment, and then I turn it off completely. Seeing the image, the person, knowing the hurt but numb to it all the same. Just like I’ve done with any number of other painful memories.
My heart grows colder and colder, more distant. I remind it, and you, from time to time how much I love you, and I humbly admit how much I miss your friendship. I’ve asked for a morsel, a crumb of your life, yet I starve.
You are a hard, “strong” person, indifferent, you don’t mind been forgotten, and you just remain as you are. I tread with caution for I wish not to upset you.
But I am hard too my friend, you know this. We make exceptions don’t we? You are one of the few humans that I have allowed close into my soul, yet you must not recognize the position I give you, you’ve allowed that connection to wither. You have not nurtured it.
I do my part, I reach, and reach, but you only look, as I reach for that friendship. I try to fight the natural occurrence, Out of sight, out of mind. But I feel its one sided. I can’t do this alone. So it fades.
My friend, I will always love you.
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