Verbal Conflict Suggestions

Quote :

Received your verbal conflict DVD yesterday and enjoyed it immensly. I`ve watched it about 6 times already and everytime I watch it I learn something new.

Are you going to be doing any more DVDs on verbal conflict?

What I would like to see on DVD is your verbal conflict principals in action. A bit like your "response to common attacks" DVDs except this time it would be "response to common verbal attacks".

You could start with a in your face ego attack "What the fuck are you looking at". Giving advice on how to handle this type of attack and how all your principles fits in to the conflict. Maintaining distance, being polite, being morally right, maintaining a good state and being assertive.

You could also talk about some common mistakes people make in the situation. For instance replying with "I was`nt looking at you mate" might esculate the situation and invite the reply "yes you fucking where". And we all know where that is going to lead.

You could then go on to a senario where we are in the wrong. Spilling someones drink or reversing our car into another car etc. Again showing how all the principles fits in to the situation. Maintaining distance, being assertive, appologising and being morally in the right. Being morally in the right meaning acknowledging that we have made a mistake and yet still maintaining control by asking the person to lower there voice, stop shouting and being aggressive.

Another common verbal attack people experience is the piss takers, the sarcastic and belittling comments. Perhaps you could give suggestions on how to handle these types of situations. Again showing how all the principles fit in and how how important behavior flexibility is in these situation. We can laugh with them or we can take a more assertive stance where we make it clear that that sort of behavoir will not be tolorated.

I think the DVD would be very popular and would be a good follow on to your first DVD.

I`ll leave it with you mate.

what do you guys think?

Well, I havent seen your DVD (hanging head in shame) But what he is saying seems very sound and practicle.

I think it's a very good idea. I especially like the last suggestion:
Another common verbal attack people experience is the piss takers, the sarcastic and belittling comments. Perhaps you could give suggestions on how to handle these types of situations. Again showing how all the principles fit in and how how important behavior flexibility is in these situation. We can laugh with them or we can take a more assertive stance where we make it clear that that sort of behavoir will not be tolorated.

To learn more about being able to deal with relentless bullies or people standing on the line and play them at their own game.

I'm sure we're not alone when it comes to wanting more skills in this area.

This sounds like a good idea for several reasons:

1. it represents the greater amount of lithmus tests and battles that
people go through in a day--i can probably work about about how many
fights i've been in but cannot even fathom how many near misses
whereby verbal dancing and physical posturing where the terrain to
be negotiated.

2. in your usual undogmatic style that gives several examples
of each, but by far not the full range of possibilities. i'm sure you don't
overly make your points linearly represented in physical form because
in some ways it is a set up to not cover the full range, but in the vein
of 'here are some examples...and now you think of others', it would be
outstanding and inspiring.

3. it would be fun just to hear some of your--and your mates at the door,
anecdotes over the years having to do with derailing frail people. that bit
about whether to laugh with the bully or state your limits...i'm sure that there
are times when it's better to laugh with--showing your lion status, and times
when it's not appropriate [regarding if it reflects a public opinion of, say,
professional confidence at the work place]. there are ways to induce shame
and alpha non-compliance accordingly--i get alot of miles out of simply laughing
with someone, and either mocking their retarded laugh or laughing and then
suddenly abruptly stopping so there the only ones left laughing.



IN THE REALM OF BALANCING ALL SUBJECTS AND NOT BEING OVERLY CONSUMED
WITH ONLY ONE ASPECT OF THE POTENTIAL FIGHT--AS YOU COVER [PSYCHOLOGICAL,
EYE CONTACT, ETC...], THIS COULD BE A REAL COMFORT FOR THE DAILY BATTLES.
SOME PEOPLE TAKE ON A PERSONA UNTIL THEY FEEL THEY'VE REACHED SOMETHING
THEY CAN WORK WITH. YOU COULD BE THAT PERSONA OR AT LEAST A 'FORM' STARTING
POINT.

I'LL JUST BET IT SELLS AND STANDS ON IT'S OWN WHEN COMPARING TO OTHERS NOT
COVERING SUCH TERRITORY

Hi Richie,
I haven't seen that dvd.. I think its time for another order so I will get it soon.

But that is a very good idea.. because there definately is alot of common threads in the way people go verbal..

Even though in these situations you have to learn to be spontaneous, its good to give people certain ideas they can build off.

-Ben

Russ the Muss wrote:

This sounds like a good idea for several reasons:


3. it would be fun just to hear some of your--and your mates at the door,
anecdotes over the years having to do with derailing frail people. that bit
about whether to laugh with the bully or state your limits...i'm sure that there
are times when it's better to laugh with--showing your lion status, and times
when it's not appropriate [regarding if it reflects a public opinion of, say,
professional confidence at the work place]. there are ways to induce shame
and alpha non-compliance accordingly--i get alot of miles out of simply laughing
with someone, and either mocking their retarded laugh or laughing and then
suddenly abruptly stopping so there the only ones left laughing.

I second that motion

I think in general the suggestion put forth is a good idea.

There was an example you gave us Richie, where you had accidentally bumped into someone in a club and the guy was getting all macho aggressive, and your reply was "well sorry mate, but you're not hurt right? I mean... you're ok you're not INJURED or BLEEDING or anything now are you?"

What you're saying, and what you're actually saying both co-existing in the same space... and this guy understands and hears that even if he isn't aware his subconscious is... I'd like more insight into thsi angle of verbal conflict as well.

Now this may already be covered on the current DVD which I don't have yet ...one day soon.