Marijuana and paranoia

Who smokes weed and gets really paranoid? hahaha

I do and I dont.

yesterday, i walked with the dog.. i found a garbage bag full of wheed.. somebody dumpt it for police or something? i dont know.. but i dont smoke, but still i liked to test it.. soo i made butter..
and baked a pancake with the weedbutter..

NEVER EVER AGAIN.. the whole night i was tripping, and nothing was real.. very very scary.. like youre in hell or something..

never.. i was thinking about selling the bag.. but i dont know if i wanna hurt somebody with this horror drug..

i dont understand also people who like weed.. because, i used coke a few times.. you feel nice and confident. speed also. alcohol also, xtc also.. but with weed.. haha, i go crazy! lose control, and balance everything!!
really yesterday it took me one hour to get my mind together to walk downstairs to get some orange juice! and finally i reached the kitchen, and i forgot what i was dooing, on the way back i find the juice. haha, now i can talk about it, but yesterday i was totally off my mind. also , i see myself walking around, and flipping..

no this was really the last time i eat weed butter

different drugs suit different personalities

I also hate weed, but didnt mind coke speed alcohol (when I was still being a foolish boy) , hated ectasy and have had some informative but truly terrifying experiences with acid when I was much younger

- i've always thought it was a control issue- my friends would advise me to "lay back and enjoy the ride" well i fucking hate rides!

too much of a control freak and too sketchy a grasp of sanity to start with for me to dabble in drugs long term- also I got too much ambition and the two lifestyle DO NOT mix, trust me, if you want to do anything worthwhile with your puff you got to can all that shite and quick

I used to work as a drugs counsellor for the probation service (for a very brief period) believe it or not, I was fascinated by the research they had saying that steroids alone could make a small percentage of people paranoid I think i fall into that group!-

anyway, certainly no drug has ever had a long lasting positive effect on my personality or anyone that I know, that im aware of

so the simple answer is just dont fucking do them, especially if you already have issues- I know one guy right now who smokes weed (skunk no less!) regularly whilst simultaneously taking anti depressants to combat his "Bi-Polar disorder"- he is a stubborn fucker though

drugs to combat the side effects of the drugs to combat the side effects of the drugs... and so down the spiral he goes

I got to be honest I lived with a load of potheads at university and Im pretty prejudiced about them, Im not saying this is fair, but in all honesty I rate regular potheads about as highly as I rate people who drink during the day or before business meetings: its a loser-ish pattern of behaviour for weak minded people that I have learnt to associate with wasted potential

drugs are for people who cant hack it straight- weakness! may Thor smash them!

nice
i like(d) to drink, erm, because it's part of my culture and i like the part of the process that is referred to as the buzz. the part where you know what you're doing but you do it anyway without embarassment or care. i mean lets face it, i used to laugh at the guys/girls who blamed alcohol on the heffers they woke up with. when i was a lad, if i was quickly getting to know some girl i wouldn't otherwise have been interested in, a part of my brain would be saying, "you know rusty (rusty back then), if anyone is taking photos, they'll be extorting money from you the rest of your life...hmmm" and the other part would say, "young drunk man making out with dizzy girly, tee hee"

i only put on the breaks when i got jumped in oxford. then i said, hmmm, why the fook am i training so hard when the time for a pressure test comes when i can't stand up straight and seeing is a hazy kind of san fran fog experience? then there was a time (it doesn't matter to me now of course) when i took a malaysian model home...erm, and was too drunk. oh the things that matter the most when one is young burp.

so i was already getting a taste for my distaste of a lack of control. i started liking to gulp coffee before karate classes--or while working security. it made me moody and edgy and quick. a crutch at times, but i saw it's merits.

then came pot. my first experience was hitting a bong with man size in-gulps--4 in a row. god knows what the fook i was inhaling. i should have felt safe with my best friend in the room, and my wild boss--who i've bailed out in a bar after he through a glass at the bar tendor for having the unmitigated gall to say, "last call...no more drinks"
what happened instead was hallucinations where the only given and unchanging thingy in the room (and i was looking for one believe me) was a hat rack in the corner). i needed some anchor to reality. there was a reo beach scene out the third story window that intellectually i still knew was the 3rd floor, and other colorful eye candy-ish color spectrums of emerald forest greens to the leaves that were actually there, that would make occasional guest appearances out same-said window. i knew one thing. i wasn't moving from the fooking floor until this little freak show ended. my wild boss left, thinking i was a plant in the middle of the floor no doubt. my best friend occasionally said some incoherent babblish word to me--checking in.
then came the paranoia that my best friend was some pervert bugger that was going to try and make a prison biyatch of me whilst i had no power to move my limbs--other than keep myself upright. i saw him suddenly as some king-penal-system thug bugger type (he is in actuality just a trek geek). i watched my spiral into, and out of, the haze in a meter kind of way. i saw an internal metaphorical meter-measure that made me aware of things like, "the worst hasn't happened yet" and "now you're at the bottom" and "now you're climbing out of the shit-hallucination".

i said my first word, or gutteral sound, 4 hours later. when i heard my friend who had ordered munchy-carry-out pot food. the soda hadn't come with the order. he thought he was calling back the carry-out food place. he had in fact called back some girl he had a cruch on--who wasn't that keen on him, and said, "where's my soda? you didn't give me my soda!!"

this little slip of the mental faculties started me on a giggle that built into a volcanic and unsympathic explosion of laughter at my friend's expense.
i havn't been interested in pot since.
i also have a prejudice of sort of the loser associations of pot heads, and early in the day drinkers. though i sort of excuse my brother's many trips to his garage--away from his polite and 'pretending not to notice' wife, to inhale vigorously that which is known as cannabis to some, and shit to others.

fook me. my learning curves never came gently.

Richie, you used steroids also? okay, maby paranoid, but you have nice arms because of it.. haha
myself also thinking a long time to use steroids.. but im 95 kg, now, and strong enough to compete any fighter. but still i like to get really big arms.. no use for fighting, but nice in t shirt.

russell, yep and yep!

i never got convincing hallucinations from weed just a general sense that something bad would happen, then I would worry demonic entities would feed on me whilst my auric shield barrier was down

chulo, yes i have mate, in the past some courses of steds had a very very bad effect on my persona when combined with other indulgences and a fairly violent life style

if you want to look nice in a tshirt they are just the ticket... however the "not knowing what this shit will do to me in 50 years time" thing is a bit of a bummer

everyone I know who takes steds regularly suffers from hair loss, look much older than they are and struggle with fat oafishness if they arent careful- which is a dint in the old vanity thing

yes its a bummer the side effects, but.. is it like so , that if you have big arms with the help of steroids, you keep them if you stop taking steroids?
if soo, its maby worth it i think..

Not that anyone is asking me but I've never done steriods personally.... Although I've always been interested in the effects they would have on me but I also fear they would finally throw me off the edge with the depression and what not.... so I reckon the food my lady cooks me is good enough fuel for me and my muscle.

So, Richie and Chulo. Did you notice your bench press go up a 100 pounds on them steroids!?!?!?! :O

As for weed, such anxiety I got on it. Fuck. I smoked it for about 7 years before I quit for good but at one point it really started to turn against me. Everything about the high, the culture, the shitty pothead humour, the lifestyle of the people who smoked it regularly turned me off totally. It is such an awkward feeling un-social drug for me, it really sucks. It totally sucks me into an introsepective vortex of doom.

Speed was my favorite drug. I don't like cocaine because it never lasted long enough and left me feeling really edgy after a while (and broke) speed though, I'd play guitar for hours on that stuff. My fingers would end up bleeding and I'd still keep playing.

I'm prescribed Ritalin right now and I take it and I rip on guitar for hours. hahah.

Ganja for me has to be the most over rated drug in the world. I don't really get why it's so popular, but i guess different strokes for different blokes.

i dont understand also! i live in holland, and here its legal to buy and smoke, but i think there s a difference of smoking and eating space cake or weed butter.. but none of them i like!
i think its nice for artists who have the guts to go insane

Weed makes your brain furry.
I know people who train high because they 'FEEL more connected' etc etc. Doesn't look any different from the outside. The only difference is that they are playing inside their heads which does not seem to be a great place to be noodling around when you are practicing awareness and focus ...

Get the right stuff and it can also be a great way to enhance your self defence...

If it's so strong you don't leave the sofa in your front room and therefore all those nasty violent 'chavs' that we hear so much about of late can't attack you Hence, no need to defend yourself.

i hate the stuff, how people can enjoy skunk it i dont know fucks your head.ive tried to like it but my idea of fun isnt sitting there spewing and tripping for hours at a time.saying that though my boyfriend is a total addict to the stuff guess its just not for some people.id rather take anything than smoke skunk.how its so popular i dont know