Walking away

Guys, i don't know if this has already been covered on here so apologies if it has.

I read on other forums people talking about violence they have avoided i.e "he was kicking off on me but i managed to talk my way out of it and get away" and everbody writes well done it was the best outcome you could of hoped for and did the wright thing, the main thing is you are safe and you didnt get hurt bla bla bla.

But is it the best outcome? and has he really got away without being hurt?

I hear allot about we shouldn't have an ego. To me we are men and we all have ego's especially when it comes to looking cowardly.

is a bit of physical pain worse than the psychological pain you will go through?

I know the argument is that you may die (which happens very rarley) but there is a chance that not acting may turn you into a nervous wreck never leaving the house knowing you can not deal with agressive situations.

what would you guys do in that situation would you talk your way out of it or just bang them??

What situation are you talking about in that last question?

Because it all depends on the situation doesn't it. For example a couple of months ago someone from across the street was in my face acting all big and hard. Words and pushes were exchanged and he hit me, so I hit him back harder and he fell down, and then backed off back into his house. End of situation.

Another time a couple of years back a load of chavs came into the park, must of been about 20 of them. There was no point in even trying to stand up to them so we all just ran like fook out of there. They were all shouting "pussies" at us and other stuff, but who cares? I'd rather be called a pussy than try and prove I'm hard by getting my head stamped on by a gang of yobs.


The point I suppose I am trying to make is that if it reaches the point where violence is inevitable, and you know you can end the situation with force, then by all means do so, but if your gonna get the shit kicked out of you anyway, theres no point trying to stand up to them for your fear of a bruised ego.

You say a bit of physical pain compared to the psychological pain. Well if the person(s) who are giving you hassle get the better of you in the fight, they most likely wont stop until your about as fucked up as they can make you. Or if it is multiple attackers, they will most likely beat you to within an inch of your life.

No matter how hard you are, if your faced with about 5 attackers and you dont psychologically destroy them before violence occurs and they are still determined to wreck you, then you will stand very little chance of winning.

Imagine the psychological pain after that, you definately wont be leaving the house for a while and will most likely piss yourself if you see them again.


I can see your point though, I'm not totally pissing on your view. You can't let people walk all over you, you have to stand up for yourself, but you can't stand up to every situation. There will be times when you have no choice but to run, and you shouldn't feel ashamed for doing so.

Hi ben, i meant a one on one situation. like some toad trying to impress a girl (not that most girls are impressed by this) or massage his own ego at your expence.

Good reply tho mate.

Well just talk your way out, you know he isn't worth it so walking away wont do your ego much damage. If he carries on however then by all means "bang him" as you said lol.

hi Ben, it wasn't really a question asking advice of what i should do as i already know the answer to that.
It was more of an open question to the forum members to get your opinion on is backing down really the healthiest option.

I know mate, that was my opinion lol sorry that I'm not that clear when putting stuff across.

no problem mate, i am awfull at getting my point across in writing.

de-escalation and avoidance are your primary goals, not "because you might die" but because it's the right thing to do.

I remember Geoff Thompson saying "Leave your ego in your other suit."

If it's become physical, or if you're absolutely sure it's about to, then talking is a waste of time, unless you're using it to distract while you're lining up.

I have no problem with walking away from a gobshite safely, whether they think I'm a coward or not. their opinion of me is very low on my agenda. I am very wary of turning my back and walking away though. I'll want to pick a route where my peripheral vision can still pick them up if they've judged my retreat as a sign of weakness and have decided to have a go from my blind spot.

Dealing with situations physically is easy - although not always advisable. The challenge is the mental game - can you "beat" your opponent through intelligence. Sure, there have been times when I wished I'd use violence, but, in the long run it's more satisfying knowing you are stronger mentally than your opponent.

I'm reminded of something I was taught in Marines...anyone can pull the trigger; but it takes a disciplined individual to hold back until it's absolutely necessary.

Richie talks about installing the (mental) software for certain responses you have to accept are coming...a little out of context i know, and not possibly related to what he (Richie) was referring to but it makes me think in this way--or 'in my opinion, i'm affected by this question in this way based on my thinking patterns as they relate to the great stuff i've already been influenced by (from Richard)...in addition to elements of my own personality coming through':

i personally think elements of ambiguity should be removed...and that you should not allow yourself to be dragged into stupid little ego fantasies being acted out falsely or otherwise. put your cards on the table immediately and where this potentially leads. i think of this as a fence, if it's real, and a future reference point if it isn't. turning grey to black--even whether or not you heavily suspect that it's just some silly show--you're not an entertainer and shouldn't be dragged to that level. you're not a platform for some slack jawed moron to psychologically puff up his chest over. if he wants to look good for his girl, let him buy her a bracelet.

i may be tempted to say something along the lines (hypothetically speaking) of,
"if i've offended your sensabilities in some way then i appologize for the slight; that's all i have to say to you, we're done sharing--kindly f@#k off now"

and if i know it's something i've done wrong, then i own up and offer to make it right first...before getting to the last part. i think this is important because some people like to 'carry' things a bit and drag them out a bit more than you should put up with. i think it is possible to walk away with a feeling of, "i'm going now, do not follow me"

i was driving my mother home once and someone turned a bit road ragey over a parking space...this sort of dialogue developed (for example):
"sorry, i didn't know you were waiting for this parking space, i'll move"

but due to the body language and proximity, etc (of that situation)

"but you need to get the f@3k away from my window before this turns into something else!"

this is what i mean by taking out the grey areas. i hope this comes across the way i meant it to. i think it's important not only for people to see what you will and wont take, but as a form of mental programming--not unlike a drill (when you suspect things wont go sour).

VictorS wrote:

Dealing with situations physically is easy - although not always advisable. The challenge is the mental game - can you "beat" your opponent through intelligence. Sure, there have been times when I wished I'd use violence, but, in the long run it's more satisfying knowing you are stronger mentally than your opponent.

I'm reminded of something I was taught in Marines...anyone can pull the trigger; but it takes a disciplined individual to hold back until it's absolutely necessary.

wasn't there a Musashi quote along the lines of "only by picking up the sword can we find the strength to put it down"

Adam,

I'm reading Musashi now...

Throughout history there are many analogies to that effect.

My guvnor is also a Kendo San Dan and Musashi is often quoted to get a point across.

It often strikes me that the fundamental truths about combat are constant and it's a shame that the so called 'traditional arts' have been watered down so much that these truths have been lost and we're having to basically re-invent the wheel.

I guess this is anothere os those subjective/context-based scenarios really. I know that if something is getting to the point of no return and it's gonna get physical for sure I would prefer to pre-empt that and get the hell outa there rather than waiting for the guy to just get mroe n more wound up n then tonk me one. However, part of me thinks about all the ways in which it is not that hard to really do someone some permanent damage if not paralyse/kill them once the feeling of doing whatever it takes to get this bastard out of your space and to stop him being a threat.

Easy to say from the comfort of sitting down and mulling it over I know, but my two pennies worth on this would be that I would prefer to walk away with a damaged ego/loss of face and spend as long as it takes to get myself sorted out mentally than kill the guy and spend the next 20 years inside with all the time in the world to think 'maybe I coulda done that differently'. Make sense? Dunno, just a thought. I guess this is a luxury that you just don't have in a situation but I'd like to think that this is what I would do.

good thread gents, I dont think I can input anything more intelligent or useful than has already been said... as Si has said he wanted debate not answers and thats what he's got

without being patronising: Adam and Russell, either the quality of your analytical thinking or your forum communication skills are improving... goo posts
tick tick and a star for you both

and by "goo posts" I of course mean "good"

you kids and your crazy text speak