OMG... WTF

OMG… you are not going to believe what F’ck happened today.

First off I met some friends that I haven’t seen for like 30 years… Some back from Iraq and others still from where we came. Which was really cool and we had a great time reminiscing and drinking beer. I know I just had heart surgery, but my doc said it was ok for me to drink a couple a day, and since I hadn’t drank in several weeks… well…. This same weekend my daughter had a house warming party planned. They just bought their house. The family and older folks went yesterday, which was ok, but boring IE: old people… and today the young friends gathered to celebrate. My daughter and I have a great relationship where I can talk to her about, pretty much anything. So I go to both parties because I can hang with the old, but prefer the young because I’m not all uptight and that. I can play beer pong or Guitar Hero with the best of you. So anyway… Out of the freaking blue… my son-in-law comes from behind and puts me in a headlock… WTF… I’m not kidding here… I have no idea what the F’’’ he’s thinking at this point… I just had surgery…

So I do what I do… I grab him by the balls… (At this point I have 2 balls and 1 bat as we use to say) and I think of slamming his ass on the concrete head first… Which is really not a good idea. I think my daughter would be rather pissed if I paralyzed his ass on the F’’’ing patio at this point, but I just had F’’ing heart surgery... WTF (can you tell I’m pissed off yet) So I let him go… and he goes into a standing fetal position to recover… and I am still like WTF is wrong with you???? So, now I'm looking at my daughter like... what should I do now... Well she missed the headlock part and only sees me with here husbands balls in my hand... Kind of funny when you think about it. But she knows me very well... and knows that I won't have a mans balls in my hand without good cause.

Well some time goes by with everybody making fun of him for being so F’’ing stupid and at this point and my wife comes to pick me up (I’m buzzed… she drives when I'm buzzed) as if things aren’t complicated enough at this point.... I tell my wife to do (X) and ignore (Y) and she is like why? Dammit… just trust me and don’t ask that shit right now… Can she listen… hell NO…. and makes things even more complicated... F... I cant go on right now...

So how was your weekend…?

the worst is over mate. family can be the worst kind of vortex at times mate, because the guard is down...and the in laws
think they're part of the hearth. my deepest condolences. too bad you didn't keep one of the balls for your rearview. yeah, and wives do that to. i'm sure if jesus married, he'd be hearing, "when you finished turning water to wine, do you think you could wipe up around the toilet seat mr. messiah? hmmm?"

breath 10 deep breaths and know dr. russ understands

my sister brought home a nutter--future father of my niece and nephew, hmmm how much do i want to say since my
nephew may actually read my entries. anyway...after i started winning the fight [there, i left alot out], then my sister
started screaming for mummy to break it up. i had to deal with the guy for years before he assaulted her and they finally
split up. in laws are like russian roulette. or a box of chocolates--whichever. empty chamber or exploding recess peanut
butter cup.

sleep long and have pleasant dreams mate.
YOU DID THE RIGHT THING

As Russ said, I think the worst is over. The awkwardness will soon be blown away with the wind and the dust will settle. Maybe next time you see Mr Headlock just have a huge smile on your face to let him know you're not gonna finish the job on his balls, pat him on the back and just make light of the situation. If you and him are cool, then if anybody else wants to bring it back up, they would have missed their chance - everybody is then forced to let it go.

Sounds like your family throw some great parties though

yikes! wtf was he thinking?!?... good job in not making paste of his 'nads.
Best part...

Quote :

I tell my wife to do (X) and ignore (Y) and she is like why? Dammit… just trust me and don’t ask that shit right now… Can she listen… hell NO…. and makes things even more complicated...

too funny

nix wrote:

:

Quote :

I tell my wife to do (X) and ignore (Y) and she is like why? Dammit… just trust me and don’t ask that shit right now… Can she listen… hell NO…. and makes things even more complicated...

too funny

and i'll bet i can guess what the morning after protocol was, "honey, just call him and explain that..."


i'm actually all for family and marriage, it's just that somethings really are
"men are from mars, women are from venus"

i had a mate that would get into fights when drunk, and all the way up to about 45 plus,
the next morning was the phonecall request from the wife--who was next to him

one time he was calling, sounding like a naughty boy in trouble with mum, and my and my
mate Still were listening to what we knew was coming [we were the first on the list of appologies
since his actions forced involvement on our part]...and mid appology ritual, we started chanting
[presuming only he could hear this], "JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!" after the famous base talk
show where everyone fights. to make a long story short, we got him into more trouble as he
burst out laughing during his heartfelt appology

that's all we needed. not the bloody appology. this was the same guy who blamed me as he was
wearing my hat the moment things kicked off--he said i had crazy energy and that he'd never
done that before

Sharif: That is sound advice... now I just have to try and apply it,
which will take some effort on my part. Because I'm still pissed. I
feel like I should have left a mark on him as a future reminder... Then
maybe I would feel better. I can only hope that I he might be a bit
sore this morning.

Russ the Muss wrote:

breath 10 deep breaths and know dr. russ understands

Also sound advice, now Dr Russ answer me this:

Why
is it that women cannot just freaken listen during elevated situations.
For instance, your at the county fair or something like that and you
notice some trouble starting next to you. So you grab her by the arm
and say come on lets go this way now. She then has to stop and start
looking around and asking why, whats going on, maybe even pointing
fingers and saying "those guys" obviously delaying your clean exit.

Roadkill

I guess the question is, why didn't you go further than the ball-grab? It made him let go, right? You stopped there because it did the job. It wasn't the right time or place for follow-up.

I'm assuming he knows you're an SP instructor. So no need to leave a reminder on his face. If you effectively defended his 'attack' you proved your self as the dominant male. So no need to still be pissed off (well, in my eyes anyway).

If you really feel that you still need to let him know he fucked up big time, maybe while you're joking around with him, you say to him (with the big grin still on your face) "you came real close to a serious ass-whoopin there boy. You're brave when you've been drinking!"

roadkill wrote:

Why
is it that women cannot just freaken listen during elevated situations.
For instance, your at the county fair or something like that and you
notice some trouble starting next to you. So you grab her by the arm
and say come on lets go this way now. She then has to stop and start
looking around and asking why, whats going on, maybe even pointing
fingers and saying "those guys" obviously delaying your clean exit.

Difficult to say why. People behave according to their perception of reality. If they do not know what you know, your actions might seem unreasonable. People also have egos, that resist being told and pushed around, needing to feel a sense of control. Going through their own OODA loop in addition to the one you already did, at least. With agreement on these kinds of things established, you might be abe to prevent this. Another possible idea is "shockwords"

http://www.righteouswarriortemple.org/New%20Folder/shockwords.htm

RichardB wrote:

http://www.righteouswarriortemple.org/New%20Folder/shockwords.htm

Nice read... and interesting.

roadkill wrote:

Sharif: That is sound advice... now I just have to try and apply it,
which will take some effort on my part. Because I'm still pissed. I
feel like I should have left a mark on him as a future reminder... Then
maybe I would feel better. I can only hope that I he might be a bit
sore this morning.

Russ the Muss wrote:

breath 10 deep breaths and know dr. russ understands

Also sound advice, now Dr Russ answer me this:

Why
is it that women cannot just freaken listen during elevated situations.
For instance, your at the county fair or something like that and you
notice some trouble starting next to you. So you grab her by the arm
and say come on lets go this way now. She then has to stop and start
looking around and asking why, whats going on, maybe even pointing
fingers and saying "those guys" obviously delaying your clean exit.

i really do feel what you're saying--this isn't some bullsh&* dr. phil joke.
i think there's something to what RichB was saying about feeling a certain
amount of, 'needing to see for themselves'. i just don't get it either. i allow
for my partner to have her area of expertise but [it has seemed to me]
women that i've met and been friends/or more than friends with simply
can't pass on that level of control to me. i was with my 'EX' wife when a
shoot out was taking place [not the person i'm married to now], and i immediately
gave a directive, "now...lets go!!!" grabbing her arm. she resisted and grinned
like i was an over reacting idiot, looked about and [surreal] saw someone
right in front of her shooting off into the sky with a pistol [adding to the
commotion, odd gesture that it was]. the image of a man in front of her, firing
into the air, seemed to get through. i get the feeling there are certain people,
not even isolated to women, that disassociate when dealing with situations
outside of their realms of experience. they add familiar translations to what
is happening--usually a lesser evil that is more pallatible. my take anyway.
even a month ago, when i almost fought at the foot of my steps, and I MEAN
I WAS AMPED. my wife's take was, "you really looked calm and spiritual and
in control, i don't know how you can stay that calm". i was thinking, "i'm going
to ram that big fooking head through the glass of that car behind you if you
take one step closer motherfukker" regarding the guy, to paraphrase my
sage-like calm state.

it all boils down to the lens from which we see the world. it's no wonder the world isn't
in perfect harmony. where's a cultural broker when you need one--not just countries
but gender. my current wife and i are trying to go the distance but we wouldn't even
be together if i hadn't mentioned our date to my mother. i assumed there was no interest
on her part, and my wife assumed i didn't like her. my mother listened to my synopsis
and said, "hmmm, i think you should go out again, it sounds like a misunderstanding"

welcome to gender communication 101. all you can do is admit on some level that
you both like each other and that you are both different--attempting somehow to
meet half way and make a go of it. it helps to look from hind sight. eg///
"i know i like this person, therefore...let me try this, and assume that..." not easy
stuff. in elevated situations that's when communication is THE WORST.
i think in light of your fury over you in law idiot, the best thing to do is remember that
you're really mad at him--the rest are just ruffling your metaphorical feathers by not
being able to have the empathy you want them to.

as for you relative, you're still mad because you did the responsible thing and pulled
back on the turbo charge that was at your disposal. i've had that happen. energy in
full left that would have been beautifully used and abused.

i think you should see it as a gift to your daughter. sort of this offering:
"and because i love you my daughter, i spared your idiot husband waking up in
a white room not remembering how he got there. i do this for you" the ultimate
sacrifice.
i think the next time you see him--like Shar said, you should say,
"you got close because i thought you knew better, you got away with it because
you're still a part of the family...next time i grab something of yours, i'm keeping it,
are we clear" calm smile, almost whispered. "and fuk you by the way"

I thought I'd chime in on the "why don't they listen?" topic. I've been here several times before, and I must say that each time was with women.

And you know... I don't really get it either. I think Russ probably got it right though. I just put it down to 'civilianism'. For the record, I've never not been a civilian myself (i.e, not a cop or soldier) but what I mean is 'untrained' people. The sheep that Roadkill mentioned earlier. They're just not interested in the world of self protection; they've never asked themselves the "What-if" questions as we have and definitely have never prepared for those what-ifs.

I've been accused of over-reacting to danger several times. But you know what, I don't give a shit. I'll never set my level of response or preparedness to the minimum level. And I don't know why other people do. I'm prepared for all kinds of shit that I honestly hope never happens (WW3, home invasion, zombie attacks, icecaps melting etc ). It only makes sense that if you prepare for the worst, or respond to a perceived threat as if the threat level is at its maximum, then you can NEVER be caught off guard. You will come out safe and sound in all circumstances even if it turns out that the danger level wasn't too high.

Most recent situation being that our (at the time) 14 month old son had been puking and shitting non-stop for several days. All of a sudden, at about 2am his eyes became sunken in, his lips were dry. I knew this was the symptoms of severe dehydration. I also knew that babies have tendancy, when seriously ill, to show very little sign of suffereing before they become critical. So I acted as if things weren't so bad but I got my lady out of bed and said, lets take him to the emergency ward anyway (I didn't want to freak her out). I tried to hide the fact that I was driving like a race car driver and was actually shitting my pants. So we got him in and the nurse looked at him... it turned out that he wasn't at death's door (although I took all action as if he was) but we did need to stay in the hospital for several hours (remember it's like 3am) to give him electrolyte solution to re-hydrate him. So, my lady can't hide the fact that she's pissed off. As if I over-reacted and wasted our time. "We could have done this at home" she said, upset that she was losing sleep but had to work the next day.

Guys, I wanted to kill her. I could have ended our relationship right there.

Ok, so it turns out it wasn't as serious as I thought. But jesus christ... ever heard of "better safe than sorry"???? I had a man-down situation, and so I did all I could to help.

And this is what really pisses me off about the 'civilian' mentality: because they are unprepared for danger/threat, when that danger does pop up - they very often go into a selfish self-preservation mode. They don't have the qualities needed to look out for both themselves and their comrades.

Example: I'll bet that when 9/11 happened, you guy's first thought was "if only I was on that plane, I could have done something". The reason a few guys with blades can totally overwhelm a plane with a couple of hundred passengers? CIVILIANISM!

(disclaimer: I hate using 9/11 as an example but it works. I really don't support the whole war on terror farce)

Rant over.

Oh... one more thing. There is much wisdom in the 'shock words' link. Speed, surprise and aggression works on several levels. Esp aggression - it's a method that is used by controlling abusive husbands the world over

Sorry about your incident with your son-in-law, Roadkill. I hope you got a major, grovelling apology. Too do something so dangerous after a major op! Arsehole!

And the other thing? I always wondered whether familiarity breeds contempt is involved.

Or the fact that women rarely get involved in violent incidents (Hah!).

Or the fact that they honestly believe all situations can be resolved through talking? (A lot can.)

But there must be something more.

I remember when my son was a year old, he & his mother came to visit.
Whilst making tea in the kitchen, i started to smell smoke. Mentioned it to her & she said she couldnt.
Well I can, I said. No you are imagining it was her reply. So a little while goes by aminute or so & I can smell it stronger, she still cant so i go out to look. Downstairs hallway filling with smoke. Knock on the neighbours door its coming from & ask to be let in, he is schizophrenic & screaming & swearing at me to go away. So i get the other residents in the block out & my ex and son & phone the fire brigade. My ex is still telling me I am making a fuss about nothing!!! Fire brigade arrives & they downplay it. Smells like burning paper , mate nothing to worry about. But they cant get into Bill's flats. he is not letting them in. Finally they break down the door & a minute later a mattress aflame, comes out the window, followed by the bed itself. Also alight. then they damp down the rest of the flat. Did I get an apology? Did I f**k.
Made me realise that day that I have to take ownership of problems I observe, no matter what other people say.

I wonder does anyone have any coping strategies for dealing with the non-believer mid assault? You know, that friend or girlfriend or other who steps in & gets in the way when it kicks off? Maybe puts there arm around you or hampers you? I know that Senshido run some drills.

Incidentally, the mentally ill man, my neighbour? They let him live in that smoke damaged flat for the following year until......but thats another story.

I like this discussion, interesting situations and viewpoints.

And NO, I haven't heard shit from him yet... Which is probably best since I have not quite decided what direction I am going to take. It will probably be spontaneous and based on how the conversation goes. I generally handle things best by that method.

roadkill wrote:

It will probably be spontaneous and based on how the conversation goes. I generally handle things best by that method.

total agreement with you mate

Sounds like this Fool hasnt got any balls if he hasnt called to apologise........

Then again......you have checked they still arent in your pocket?

This is indeed turning into an interesting discussion, and probably pertinent to other scenarios.
I do think there could be a gender thing associated with upbringing - girls are generally taught not to make a scene, be a good girl etc etc even in this day and age and I'm sure this weighs into 'not being a bother and avoiding confrontation.
I generalize, but the idea of making decisions in the moment versus weighing up consequences perhaps plays into it, as does this 'keeping up appearances thing' and not looking like a hysterical idiot - none of which help in a crisis situation of course.
There is also the untrained, zero threat awareness aspect, as is there the WTF moment of having to kick into action when you are not used to doing so.
Out of interest, how about this scenario -
For a moment, say the situation was you in the driving seat, and a backseat driver giving you directions and directives on how to drive and what hazards to look out for on the road. Even if they did not say anything for the whole journey but suddenly said "TURN, turn left now" Would you turn first and ask questions later, or would you argue?
Would it make a difference if the passenger was male or female? What if it was your significant other?

PS: The whole son in law thing seems like a supreme lack of judgment on party boy's behalf. He was either very stupid, thought he was being funny, or perhaps on some level was 'beta' trying it on with 'alpha' in a weakened state ..... all gloriously boneheaded maneuvers that I'm guessing are still making him walk funny.

maija wrote:

For a moment, say the situation was you in the driving seat, and a backseat driver giving you directions and directives on how to drive and what hazards to look out for on the road. Even if they did not say anything for the whole journey but suddenly said "TURN, turn left now" Would you turn first and ask questions later, or would you argue?
Would it make a difference if the passenger was male or female? What if it was your significant other?.

it's a good point, perhaps mildly harder for me to answer since my first wife drove us onto the sidewalk at full speed--
down embassy row [mass ave. DC]. and my current wife will opt public transport rather than risk parallel parking on the way home from work.

having said that. when my spouse says, "turn left", maybe i'm just a good doggy, but i'm apt to turn pavlovian pronto,
and let the chips fall where they may. if oopsies and guilt set in later because we're on someone's lawn, i leave that for
the self analysis that comes later. provided there's no forseable risks that weigh into my values of 'keeping people safe',
which incidentally has been the subject responsible for much judgement and arguments [over protective moi], i'd likely
just smile and nod and turn--either at the right exit or into someone's living room, come what may.

i wonder if that isn't it, for me, that i'm apt to follow orders and assume a woman knows what she's talking about...then
get really incensed if the reverse isn't afforded. as i've hinted, maybe i'm anomylous. as to whether i'd do the same for
a woman not romantically involved, probably--with my security minded eyes taking inventory throughout the course of
action. i've got a wee bit of the 'good-soldier' syndrom.

probably varied answers from the rest of the platoon.

but excellent point mate, it's a question that needs asking. for me, my level of annoyance is proportionately related to my
values not being reciprocated. and so the soldier broods, if my values aren't respectfully returned, hmmm
probably the first time i've ever thought about it.

i've even taken my ex-wife's suggestions in a danger situation, as long as she was in the ready place, assessing dangers i felt like, "sure, lets try it".

i think my main trouble is this syndrom i used to notice with my father--not a woman by any means. he was a journalist
extroadinaire, the kind of adventure journalist that lived to retell a story of how he was able to avoid a firing squad, etc...
by assuming the enemy to be stupid and rolling with that premise [literally, and taken from several real incidents].
what i found was that he attempted to take the prowess and confidence of his profession and assume he could advise on
all matters. he burned bridges the slow way, one lackie/fan/yes-man after another with his ill advice in business/love/marriage/etc..etc...etc... he was a master of one thing, and that one thing was all that one should have bothered to seek advice over from him, that and a good wine/beer/french-restaurant/and other examples of hedonism.

what annoys me, admittedly, about the few relationships i've been in is that my level of mastery on my subject of choice is
presumed mainstream, weighed against some tangible thing like honors for a degree at an ivory league college--giving the person i'm seeing/married to/etc... the erronious idea that i don't know the terrain of my subject matter. presumably weighed
against my C average in chemistry, or my years as a lowly door guard, etc...there is a presumption, perhaps in the male world too but i wouldn't know unless i dated one [ ] that climbing up a social ladder, and away form the pugilists, makes one better suited to ascertain threats, and other unrelated issues. my take.

and i say all this with an enormous amount of self-scrutiny, the kind that presumes i'm riddled with flaws but at least want to
be given credit for the lens from which i viewed the world for over 20 years. sort of loaded in that:
it's one thing to see what i do as play
it's another not to be able to translate that as having merit in situations of risk

i'm guessing it can't be all gender since some women do devote themselves to SP/SD/RBSD/ETC...i wonder if there isn't some cultural bias that begins in classism. anybody? i have noticed less of this when dating, erm, gals on the dole. just wondering out loud now i dated a girl in worksop that was so down and out, she gave classism a new catagory. i didn't have a problem with that at all. i only [now i digress] was bothered she couldn't write to save her life, coming from such a literary family. but otherwise felt well suited enough, as we've never had money--much travels but otherwise next
to broke. the level of world exposure and education though, made me suited [having things in common] with middle class women--who for the most part thought of me as a genetic throw'back for values:
-nice food
-nice peaceful home environment
-the telly
-a pint
-movies on saturday
-comics/graphic novels/dvd's

...and bugger else

i was, in effect, too much of a simpleton--in spite of my being able to maintain a 3.75 GPA at university, when the tide lowered,
i prefered sloth and simple times

this question could be so loaded, the more i think on it.

classism or gender, anyone?
in short, values i guess. which are the most ascerbic to the taste. which contrast the most.
my friends and partners that have had the most difficulty with me have come from hard working
protestant values. my dad was an old buddhist who had a house full of dogs, and various unclean
food items strewn everywhere. we were uncouth to many, but from a distance represented world
traveled international mutts.

on another note, could this get any farther from Roadkill's original situation???

what i really want to know is whether you belted him. with a son in law, it's a bit more weighted since
you're 'dad' and don't want to upset your daughter. in my sister's case, i decided she'd eventually
forgive me for busting her man's rib, shin, nads...oh it was a scene. i actually had this guy pressed
over head [on our 2nd fight/rematch], one hand on his throat, the other firmly gripping his balls--military
pressing him and just about to...then i heard my mum yell [as if at a naughty dog] "PUT...HIM...DOWN"



it was easy to do at that point since i saw the humor in it immediately and had to hide my laughter.

Nice post Maija, some very pertinent questions there too mate re "would you be slower to respond if the passenger was female?"

My worst experiences of sticky feet, an inability to obey simple poilte commands, pointing and asking dumb ass questions have not been with women, but with young lads

bloody liability they can be especially when they think they are "under your wing"


Roadkill
I think you need to confront this chappy as soon as possible in a calm, polite and professional way, face to face, both of you on your own, preferably in his house ...

and quietly ask him why he did it, and if he has a problem with you, when he inevitably answers "No, of course not" then you state in no uncertain terms that you do not find this behaviour acceptable

In no way is it acceptable in YOUR family for anyone to treat an Elder like that under any circumstances... leave him under no illusions

I think everyone here has advised you with the best intentions, but I consider any kind of passive aggressive strategy or even the merest threat of violence on your behalf towards him to be "weak game".

you are a lion, he is a cub, when he entered YOUR family he became one of your cubs, you are not competing for dominance, you ARE dominant... "no games" is the strongest game at the table - I use it all the time, it works powerfully

Play the Father role, speak kindly and gently... then spank his ego for him


Why settle for a beating... when you can use good psychology to bring him to tears with shame?


Hopefully, this ends peacefully and you end up closer to him for it.

After all, it Sounds like he needs a strong father figure to teach him whats acceptable and whats not as someone else clearly failed him in that department.

Armchair psychologist moment:

His dad left when he was young or his dad is a limp dishcloth I bet. He seeks the strong father figure he lacks, he sees it in you, maybe he is jealous of the relationship you have with your daughter that he didnt get with his dad. Naughty cub. He steps on your tail so you will swipe him back into line with your paw. Its love and attention he probably craves unconsciously. The alcholol he drank brought the desire out of him: "Hit me, notice me, show me you care, show me the boundaries". I bet if you ask him he will genuinely tell you he knew you were not yet well and doesnt know why he did it. He just "felt compelled". I reckon he craves a bit of telling off and a certain type of love from you.

Tough Love.

Its still love.

Richard Grannon wrote:

I think everyone here has advised you with the best intentions, but I consider any kind of passive aggressive strategy or even the merest threat of violence on your behalf towards him to be "weak game".

you are a lion, he is a cub, when he entered YOUR family he became one of your cubs, you are not competing for dominance, you ARE dominant... "no games" is the strongest game at the table - I use it all the time, it works powerfully

Play the Father role, speak kindly and gently... then spank his ego for him


Why settle for a beating... when you can use good psychology to bring him to tears with shame?


Tough Love.

Its still love.

the voice of reason, and when one hears it, no one can deny it--dratt, and good on ya.

long term thinking is closer to the truth. impulse is like ejaculating, it always has been and always will be.


note: funny thing about this kind of advice...when one [okay me] hears it, 'one' sort of says, "okay okay, i know this already" which begs the question, did i want to avoid the answer? did the lil' thug in me want to see a nose bleed because
the subject struck a chord in me. i really have a beef with people who 'surprise me', and all the more if i'm injured and on the mend. projections--me. nicely put from the distance of compassionate detachment. i'll go and meditate now

Richard Grannon wrote:

Roadkill
I think you need to confront this chappy as soon as possible in a calm, polite and professional way, face to face, both of you on your own, preferably in his house ...

and quietly ask him why he did it, and if he has a problem with you, when he inevitably answers "No, of course not" then you state in no uncertain terms that you do not find this behaviour acceptable

In no way is it acceptable in YOUR family for anyone to treat an Elder like that under any circumstances... leave him under no illusions

I think everyone here has advised you with the best intentions, but I consider any kind of passive aggressive strategy or even the merest threat of violence on your behalf towards him to be "weak game".

you are a lion, he is a cub, when he entered YOUR family he became one of your cubs, you are not competing for dominance, you ARE dominant... "no games" is the strongest game at the table - I use it all the time, it works powerfully

Play the Father role, speak kindly and gently... then spank his ego for him


Why settle for a beating... when you can use good psychology to bring him to tears with shame?


Hopefully, this ends peacefully and you end up closer to him for it.

After all, it Sounds like he needs a strong father figure to teach him whats acceptable and whats not as someone else clearly failed him in that department.

Armchair psychologist moment:

His dad left when he was young or his dad is a limp dishcloth I bet. He seeks the strong father figure he lacks, he sees it in you, maybe he is jealous of the relationship you have with your daughter that he didnt get with his dad. Naughty cub. He steps on your tail so you will swipe him back into line with your paw. Its love and attention he probably craves unconsciously. The alcholol he drank brought the desire out of him: "Hit me, notice me, show me you care, show me the boundaries". I bet if you ask him he will genuinely tell you he knew you were not yet well and doesnt know why he did it. He just "felt compelled". I reckon he craves a bit of telling off and a certain type of love from you.

Tough Love.

Its still love.

Wow… very observant and it is the direction I shall take… great advice.

Your armchair psychology seems to be spot on as well.

I need to ponder some of this and will get back with a post tomorrow.

THANK YOU

Quote :

"Wow… very observant and it is the direction I shall take… great advice.

Your armchair psychology seems to be spot on as well.

I need to ponder some of this and will get back with a post tomorrow.

THANK YOU "

ha! even a stopped clock is right twice a day yeah mate let us know how it turns out -and if he is a sufferer of "daddy issues"

Quote :

note: funny thing about this kind of advice...when one [okay me] hears it, 'one' sort of says, "okay okay, i know this already" which begs the question, did i want to avoid the answer? did the lil' thug in me want to see a nose bleed because
the subject struck a chord in me. i really have a beef with people who 'surprise me', and all the more if i'm injured and on the mend. projections--me. nicely put from the distance of compassionate detachment. i'll go and meditate now

Was pretty heavily influenced a few years ago by Thich Nhat Hanh's book on tape "Mindfulness and Psychotherapy"

when it comes to dealing with conflict, forgiveness and managing anger the vietnamese zen monk is the shiz

I got it when I was still working the door and working as an area manager for a construction security firm, had a really tempestuous relationship and all kinds of other personal issues going on. Was working 60 to 70 hour weeks,in highly confrontational roles, fuelled by caffeine, adrenaline and various other supplements. I think what I learnt from TNH kept me out of jail at the time.

In any conflict there is always the possibility for growth, but it takes balls to remain open hearted and vulnerable to someone that is trying to hurt you.

ANd being that this is zen sometimes the quickest route to mindfulness and compassion is to give them a good beating

from "Taming the Tiger Within"

Quote :

“When you say something unkind, when you
do something in retaliation, your anger increases.
You make the other person suffer, and they try hard
to say or do something back to make you suffer,
and get relief from their suffering. That is
how conflict escalates.”

its good innit?

Quote :

“When you are angry, and you suffer, please go
back and inspect very deeply the content, the nature
of your perceptions. If you are capable of removing
the wrong perception, peace and happiness will
be restored in you, and you will be able to
love the other person again.”

someone bang that zen gong for me

[quote="

His dad left when he was young or his dad is a limp dishcloth I bet. He seeks the strong father figure he lacks, he sees it in you, maybe he is jealous of the relationship you have with your daughter that he didnt get with his dad. Naughty cub. He steps on your tail so you will swipe him back into line with your paw. Its love and attention he probably craves unconsciously. The alcholol he drank brought the desire out of him: "Hit me, notice me, show me you care, show me the boundaries". I bet if you ask him he will genuinely tell you he knew you were not yet well and doesnt know why he did it. He just "felt compelled". I reckon he craves a bit of telling off and a certain type of love from you.

Tough Love.

Its still love.[/quote]

Good stuff. Be careful... you'll start getting loads of PMs asking for relationship advice instead of SP advice. I reckon you'd look good with a Dr Phil 'tash

Dr. Richie,
TNH is awesome. his books are all over our house, hard not to listen to a guy with
his insites coupled with his background. i reckon Buddha's full expression has materialized
in that guy. the bigger the yolks, the greater the liberation once removed

Thanks for the history

okay: tight rope me, i'm off to finagle jap slaps [padwork] just prior to PE students showing up.
the art of ninja training--or training within the confines of a non-training area.

Ok Just got back from some errands… one of which was to swing by the son-in-laws house.

First let me say that Richard’s post made me feel a bit guilty, like It was partially my fault or something. It all came down to the analogy of the little cub wanting to emulate, challenge or be like or liked. Not the first time I heard that either… the wife has mentioned this several times about him over the past year or so. So I even got a I told you so slap on the back of the head from her after I showed her his Armchair psychology moment, which is always fun.

On to the house…

So when he answers the door, he is notably surprised to see me standing there. That was fun… lol. So once inside, I opted for small talk while saying hi to his dog and just observing his body language… dam that was fun too. Very fidgety and he started to just arrange things here and there, not really accomplishing anything but keeping his hands busy. So I bought up the event and asked why he would do such a thing and he basically pinned it on the combination of alcohol and bad judgment on his part. He seemed genuinely embarrassed at this point. I then told him that I had actually considered slamming his ass on the concrete at the time (I’m not really sure who that would have hurt more, me or him). He said he was grateful that I hadn’t and thanked me for not crushing his nuts. I then basically said that if he tried some shit like that again in the future, that I would not be as kind. All this transpired in a friendly atmosphere. He really is a good kid or I would not have let him marry my daughter in the first place. The fact of the matter is she is meaner than he is and it has been a standing joke for a long time that she would kick his ass. Not sure if that would really work that way, he is really very strong.

So there it is in a nutshell

Good to get it out in the open.

Well done. Shouldnt let these things fester.