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 Communicating with the 'deaf'

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maija
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PostSubject: Communicating with the 'deaf'   Mon Jun 29, 2009 10:13 pm

New Chiron blog post:

Interesting problem and somehow familiar .....

I'm Being the Bad Guy
I feel like a blue meanie. Normally, I like initiative. Normally, I
think I'm pretty good at finding the common ground and getting dialogue
and change. Not this time. This time I just want to cut my losses and
move on.

The
problem child came to me through at least two other people who tried to
work with him and failed. First impressions are pretty positive-
intelligent, friendly, tries to be helpful. Over the weeks it has
become abundantly clear that every last one of those virtues can be
perverted into a vice. Super intelligent guy... but absolutely
incapable of accepting that he has no knowledge of the specialized
field we work in. None. Nada. Zip. Since he can't accept that, he just
keeps trying to help. Like by telling the specialists how to do the
job. Or explaining to others what is going on when he doesn't have a
clue himself.


Very, very friendly... which
means he has no boundaries, and that doesn't work when you are
surrounded by criminals, officers and soldiers. He is completely
incapable of understanding when he is getting on someone's nerves even when he is explicitly told.
If you say, "You're getting on my last nerve. Get out of here and
leave me alone." He won't- he will sulk and whine and demand
attention. That was the last straw with the last team he worked with.


And
helpful? He's pleased and honored to make command decisions for you
and tell everyone else what you've decided. Without asking you. Just to
be helpful.


My usual tactic with this is to be
very explicit about what I am doing, what I am saying and why.
Communication is about passing information. The information is
important, the method or my feelings or your feelings are secondary...
but your feeling will affect how you listen, so they become a part of
the question. Basically, I use a completely different communication
style with a young, eager, up-and-coming junior leader than I do with
an old political player who is jealous of his position and worried that
someone might know something he doesn't.


I
explained the reasoning behind this, pointed out how much progress I've
made in some dead zones. My little friend says, "No. You complicate
things too much. You should just talk the way that makes you
comfortable."
"But they won't listen."
"Doesn't
matter as long as it is easier for you." Which, of course, means easier
for him. Better to fail easily than to win if it takes effort. The pay
is the same either way.


I had to give the
'expectations speech'- a list of behaviors expected and lines not to
cross and the consequences. I'm hoping he will listen, but I would
place a large bet that he will alternate between sulking and sucking up
for several weeks.


On the good side, he's inspired me to write an article on how to utilize an interpreter.

_________________
"It will be difficult at first, but then everything is difficult at first". Miyamoto Musashi
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Richard Grannon
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PostSubject: Re: Communicating with the 'deaf'   Tue Jun 30, 2009 9:22 pm

Razz

thats a brilliant article

I think the personality type he describes is just another form of destructive narcisstic pattern (DNP) in a more innocent looking package

basically a more charming brand of prick Rolling Eyes but still a prick when all is said and done

Quote :
Like by telling the specialists how to do the
job. Or explaining to others what is going on when he doesn't have a
clue himself.

I've had this on a couple of seminars- "oh look there is another instructor teaching today as well... and look he is showing people to do things incorrectly which is both disrespectful and potentially harmful... ngggh... must...not ... stamp... on.... his... face...."

this isnt an "unfortunate but well intentioned personality quirk" in my book thats someone pissing in the punch for the purpose of masturbating their own ego

I do have zero patience and am as belligerent as a bear with a sore arse, but when I go into someone elses class, as I have started doing regularly again now, I always make sure that I:

1. shut the fuck up
2. listen and do as Im told
3. smile while Im doing it


Its the only way it works, development and research can happen in a democracy, training cannot.
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