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 Who are you? We all have common ground, but are otherwise quite different, presumably.

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thugsage
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PostSubject: Who are you? We all have common ground, but are otherwise quite different, presumably.   Thu Jun 04, 2009 1:36 pm

Why train? What are your reasons?
How do you train?
When do you train?

What does it do for you?

****************************************************
personally, i'm not longer a security guard. i'm not going to
bars anymore. no red lights there. i do plan on getting back
to a schedule of international travel as soon as my kids are
old enough to be told to:
-stay in your airplane seat
-don't step into the street
-stay with either mum or dad
-what'd that guy just say to you, hmmm...

WHY
i reckon that the average male may get into about a half dozen
fights in their whole life, and even that's pretty impressive to some.
security for me promised maybe one harrowing experience a year
and many bluffs answered with no consequence. bars held about
the same level of potential harm. all said...i've probably reached
my half dozen, maybe more--and probably have several more experiences
to come. that's the mindset i have when i train--this isn't including 'bouts' and
squables between friends, or whatever. with that in mind, i'm doing a
hell of alot of training for a great many years so i'll be damned if i'm
going to fork out anything less than armagedan [sp?]. it would be the
most appauling thing to invest all this time if it didn't pan out. for that
reason i spend equal time on my mental state. i train people to keep
me fresh. in the spirit of 'chinamasta/chinamastika, the frightening
deity who tears off her own head and gulps down the blood spurting
from her corroted artery, i [the metaphor] enjoy the nector of my teaching
and training most of all, even before my students [the attendies also drinking
from that bloody fountain]. believe it or not, this is the real metaphoric
meaning of that bizzare depiction of that deity. if i were to invest in an
icon, she'd be it. in the dicotomized world of hindu icons, the she is the
seeker--the reflection of the deity. i'm fooking chinamasta when i train.

HOW: it's a ritual for me, a wicked kind of zen-gone-wrong ritual
-3 sets equals a pattern of how i train: the trilogy, my holy trilogy.
for open handed cross jabs for example, the first set is to establish form
integrity on the pads--serving as a warm up; the second set explores power--
feeling the real connections in my whole body doing this punch; the last is a
frenzy of rapid fires--drawing from form and power, but now explosive and
agry and realistically getting in first for a shit storm of an assault.
i have three different things that serve as my core, and about 3 more that
i only add on as one set at the end--so as not to have limitations in my skill set.
-i do the driving back drill whenever i can get volunteers. some like it, some
get a little overwhelmed. on the average, i can usually find one person a week
to exchange free training for a warm body to work out with. all that forward
drive builds up the reservoir of agro, and forward responses to violence. i think
i've been surprized enough times by knuckleheads to realize that this particular
training makes me move into people, rather than flinch/freeze. this is huge.
-head controls...hard to get volunteers. i usually have to only get 2 or 3 pressure
tests going with students...because the drill intimidates many. in short, who-ever's
turn it is...they stay up until they can put the opponent down. faux light strikes from
the opponent so it doesn't feel handed to them, much movement...much frustration
to some. they have to work for it, then put the person down. i usually don't resist
too much as i've found that students have some psychological block that convinces
them they can't down a teacher. so i just keep the game going and eventually allow
some gain/exploit to take me down. after a while, i don't have to do that...the mental
block has gone, and i'm the one trying to not go down, honestly, the way it should be.

these three pieces, i desperately try to keep going as they fire me up the most. i feel that
we draw from these experiences, so the nuttier they are, the better.

WHEN
nothing sacred here. so many flakes and so little time. i train whenever the fook i can
get an opportunity...whether it's 5 days one week, or 1 day the next. my part in it is
finding two days in a week to get on the pads--minimally [as stated above].

WHAT DOES IT DO FOR YOU?
this is one hat i don't wish to hang up. every mundane life needs a pressure valve. i have
several, this is a big one. when i walk down the street, i feel relaxed enough to see the world
around me [however realistically or unrealistically] as an extension of my training. the only
time i feel a bit uneasy is with my family--where i have to noticibly curb my short temper--over
riding my fear for them. my metaphorical scorpians tail goes up when i see mothers with their
children being harassed by nutters. other than that, the training affords me a weird kind of extreme
peace. perhaps not unlike my years at my gurus feet.
for the remaining years i have, i'm trying to merge the two. in my own way. because spirituality
is meaningless when piggybacking someone else's ferver. i can't comfortably step into a church
unless i hold my own integrity. i always feel it's the blind leading the blind. it's why i have no dogma
in fighting or matters of inner self development. it is a deeply personal matter that can only grow
if one knows their starting point. i left the ashram role playing new agey whispey voiced seekers...
and came back several times more whole--even as i was more salty, tattoo'd, and reserved. i now
had a true image of who i was, and from that foundation, was able to move slowly on my own road
to the truth, wherever it takes me.

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PostSubject: Re: Who are you? We all have common ground, but are otherwise quite different, presumably.   Fri Jun 05, 2009 1:25 am

Why:


Why as in what started it?

Too many kung fu flicks as a kid. Initially as a means to crush bullies. But the problem faded quickly. The interest did not. First for all the wrong reasons. Posturing, ego, delusion, the common martial artist mind. Too many movies, too little practical purpose and reality. But it was the spark. I did round up a group of friends armed with spiked clubs, knives, chains and so on and go hunting for some scary crazy guy only known as "Benny" when I was about 10 or so. Guess it's always been there to some degree, never found the guy, don't think we really tried, and would probably have scattered with EEEK's if we did. Laughing


Why as in purpose?

Hmm... I do not believe I will end up in an ungodly amount of fights. Currently I have no plan of any career centering around the craft and skill of dishing out of grade A violence. A lot of it can probably be chalked up to instinct. I feel absolutely compelled to know absolutely everything about "how to get the best of men." Which might be very much a result of already having my nose stuck so deep into this that I must see the rest. I'm sure it would be similar if I was into stamp collection. I'm seeing the beginning of this happening to my interest in psychology. The need to explore and find America and the moon and so on... OTOH I also know what evil lurks in the world, and have a sense of what is required to handle it. Potential is a word that sticks in my mind. I need the potential power to handle it. The problem has a sizeable potential of happening. Potentially bad shit. I want to set the conditions for victory before the war arrives basically.


How:

I'm getting less training than I want/should have/need, etc. Life is happening. Training is at a low for the moment. There's solo training on the BOB and psychology work mostly. Simple aggressive basics. But I take it as an opportunity for studying up. Any job skill is usually divided into both theory and practice. I like to look at theory as the foundation. So that I know for certain what I'm doing and why. Instead of going on say-so's and assumptions and other monkey-business. A lot of time goes into building the theoretical model of what the hell is going on and what to do. Without a sense of that I probably couldn't even make a cup of tea. With it, taking over the world is a piece of cake. One slice at a time... Yum yum. What a Face



When:

I'm way too good at procrastrinating with all things. On the theory side books need to be opened and read, which is easy to fuck up. There also has to be a goal in the mind. A purpose. I'm sort of working on an evil scheme for that whole deal. But training has a tendency to be dispersed throughout the day. So there might be a lot of it, but intensity and focus is also subject to dispersion. That is the fun-aspect of training. Just messing around. A lot of it centers around smacking the BOB and killing invisible ninjas with a pair of butcher knives. Laughing Focused and intense training moments tend to center around doing exactly what I want to do in a fight. And repeating it over and over.


What does it do?

Provides the capability to deal with certain things that maim or kill a lot of people. From that arises confidence and a sense of control. A lot of it spills over and becomes general confidence. I think skill in one area has a tendency to provide metaphors applicable to other areas of life as well. It has become one of the-things-I-do so to speak. So it sets a course and direction in a way.

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PostSubject: Re: Who are you? We all have common ground, but are otherwise quite different, presumably.   Fri Jun 05, 2009 2:03 am

Hmm ... Russ, big questions ...not sure if I have time to do them justice right now, but here's a start:

Why train? What are the reasons?

For me, training is interesting, and so far consistently engaging. I suspect I'm one of those 'movement centered' people. Perhaps it could be a past life thing? Not sure.
Just know that I was fencing with kitchen implements at an early age and it's gone on from there Very Happy
One thing leads to another, and before you know it you are living on the other side of the world in possibly one of the most vibrant centers for martial arts in the world ... and I'm still here!

On a more serous note, I have long had the idea that it would be useful to be competent - at many practical things to do with living and surviving. The zombies are coming ... know what I mean! Suspect Wink Laughing

Also I like the idea of being old and active. Fit and healthy, till I finally tilt over and die.
I believe that as we age, there is a tendency to withdraw - physically and mentally, from the world, and for some reason training pushes me and encourages me to keep open and engaged with life.

Also I like learning, so within the field that is my passion, I want to get better, and understand and investigate more. I have found it very healthy for mind and body.

Finally I feel an obligation to teach and pass on knowledge that has been given to me.
It has enriched my life to a great extent, and I like the idea of passing it on. In the end I truly believe that it only really means something if I can pass it on. That will be my test.

How/when do I train?

Class 4 times a week, teaching. Personal training as and when. Group workout once a week - sometimes more. 2 of my house mates train - so impromptu sessions happen.
I do alot of construction work - been spending the last few weeks forming concrete and tying re-bar. Turns out you can train all day long if you think of it that way!

What does it do for me?

Well ... I guess I went into it already.
Basically, when I grow up, I want to be Egg Shen Cool Laughing
For 10 points - Name That Movie!

PS: Quote Russell
" .. even as i was more salty, tattoo'd, and reserved. i now had a true image of who i was, and from that foundation, was able to move slowly on my own road to the truth, wherever it takes me."
Very good Cool

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PostSubject: Re: Who are you? We all have common ground, but are otherwise quite different, presumably.   Fri Jun 05, 2009 1:34 pm

RichardB///
"A lot of time goes into building the theoretical model of what the hell is going on and what to do. Without a sense of that I probably couldn't even make a cup of tea. With it, taking over the world is a piece of cake. One slice at a time... Yum yum. "

i'll take some of that cake, especially if there's gobs of frosting geek ...oops a metaphor, yep, i
agree in a major way. familiarize oneself with the questions, the reactions, the self expectations, one's
own codes to live by. know thyself. cheers


"Focused and intense training moments tend to center around doing exactly what I want to do in a fight. And repeating it over and over."

nice way to put it. and sound mental build up...file that under, "here's what i'm going to do to you...and
there's not a damn thing you're going to be able to do about it".
-billyjack

i used to call that carving out the song lines--flagrantly coopting aboriginal concepts for my own sort of
perverse goals and mindset. rehearsing a song that is so powerful, they have no choice but to dance as
i lead. a sort of waltz that ends when they fall over and break the fooking record player lol!

Maija wrote///
"Finally I feel an obligation to teach and pass on knowledge that has been given to me.
It has enriched my life to a great extent, and I like the idea of passing it on. In the end I truly believe that it only really means something if I can pass it on. That will be my test."

and also...
"I believe that as we age, there is a tendency to withdraw - physically and mentally, from the world, and for some reason training pushes me and encourages me to keep open and engaged with life."

a teacher's teacher. a master, if not now, than in the making. you're a class act mate--not sarcasm,
which i am usually guilty of. i'm not there yet as pupils come and go with me. i think i try and give
them as much in the time that i have with them--often adding that, "the door remains open, it swings
both ways, when you're ready you're more than welcome to return". one of the draw backs of being
chinamasta, is that my ferver often excedes theirs. occasionally, it is contagious to the true seeker.
the one who gets it. those moments are golden. most take a drink, enjoy the taste, worry about calories or ingredients, then go home and dabble in other culinery delights--occasionally wishing they'd not left.

they all visit again and again. sometimes i think there's a vibe of 'wishing they got it' but not being there
yet. one of my best students went off to a university somewhere. i had her on a strict boxing regimen,
that was spiced with a low kick for good measure. her dad used to be a boxer. he soon stopped boxing with her when her intent started pricking to higher levels of intensity. she told me proudly that he would
no longer box with her, when he used to sort of tease her to get her going. if that were the norm, i'm
sure that i'd try harder to see that vision of imparting skills more--the legacy piece. it has been the exception though, for me. my intensity makes me more slatted for, "help me...i need skills fast...i need
something from which to draw from when i don't really know what to expect". in that catagory, i've seen
a few students through a scrap or two. one, unfortunately, after his success story, announcing that
he'd taken the guys money after defending himself. Rolling Eyes

that most certainly was NOT in the SOP of my classes affraid . but what could i say, other than the obvious, "next time, just...". it's not as if i was
sad for the guy who had it coming, i just didn't want my student to rationalize his way into being a dick head, and uhm, criminal.


Maija also wrote///
when I grow up, I want to be Egg Shen
For 10 points - Name That Movie!


i'm just going to guess, rather than distastefully trick you into believing i knew after looking it up
on the web, or in a youtube clip...here are my guesses:

1. Humpty Dumpty's alter macho ego, "Egg Shen", short for "Egg Shenn", erm...

2. Some character in a japanese black and white flick, like yojimbo-esque...oh, and bad ass loner ronin to boot

3. Whoops, Shen sounds Chinese...perhaps a portly jocular master who was loved by his students but
could dish out a hiding when protecting his students and his school...

i really am curious, but i 'ave no idea, mate...if you don't tell me i'll eventually look it up, but i'd rather
here it from you--as it will carry your lens to the character, the aspects that you found most pleasing.



NICE TO SHARE WITH YOU GUYS.
i suppose the only bit to add, for me, as i think RichardB's writing triggered beginnings for me. my small town environment included a wee bit of 'lord of the flies' and all that scrummy [Richie has now added
scrummy to my vocab list] hierarchy that made me aware of all those wicked dynamics in every new environment. i walk into a room and feel that same struggle for power, whether done by patronizing and derogatory classist bollocks, or good old fashioned black and white invasion of personal space and all the belly swatting tactics of the average alpha wannabe. jocolor i had a teacher [a lead school teacher of academic subject matter--not a PE stiff like me] jab a finger in my back and simultaniously say, "stick'm up" [in his mind, he perhaps was reducing my hobby, passion, and part time career to
the level of 12 year old rough housing], without hesitation i palmed his wee head in my hand and gently landed my rather larger than normal head into his. all he could produce was a shit giggle after that, on some deeper level he understood that he was my bitch and should now go busy himself with making my dinner. scratch lol!

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PostSubject: Re: Who are you? We all have common ground, but are otherwise quite different, presumably.   Fri Jun 05, 2009 11:25 pm

Quote:
"i really am curious, but i 'ave no idea, mate...if you don't tell me i'll eventually look it up, but i'd rather here it from you--as it will carry your lens to the character, the aspects that you found most pleasing."
Actually I think you need to see the movie Russ, to really understand ...... Laughing cheers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2yM3-YO7qHs

... bringing order out of chaos ....

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PostSubject: Re: Who are you? We all have common ground, but are otherwise quite different, presumably.   Mon Jun 08, 2009 1:09 pm

i understand mate.
great movie...i'd almost forgotten it--at my peril affraid

thanks for the mental rewind cheers

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PostSubject: Re: Who are you? We all have common ground, but are otherwise quite different, presumably.   Mon Jun 08, 2009 1:42 pm

HAHAHA - I knew you'd probably remember it ... 1982 perhaps ..? Still one of my all time favorite movies - still makes me laugh!

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PostSubject: Re: Who are you? We all have common ground, but are otherwise quite different, presumably.   Mon Jun 22, 2009 4:39 am

Russell Sage wrote:
Why train? What are your reasons?
How do you train?
When do you train?

What does it do for you?

****************************************************
personally, i'm not longer a security guard. i'm not going to
bars anymore. no red lights there. i do plan on getting back
to a schedule of international travel as soon as my kids are
old enough to be told to:
-stay in your airplane seat
-don't step into the street
-stay with either mum or dad
-what'd that guy just say to you, hmmm...

WHY
i reckon that the average male may get into about a half dozen
fights in their whole life, and even that's pretty impressive to some.
security for me promised maybe one harrowing experience a year
and many bluffs answered with no consequence. bars held about
the same level of potential harm. all said...i've probably reached
my half dozen, maybe more--and probably have several more experiences
to come. that's the mindset i have when i train--this isn't including 'bouts' and
squables between friends, or whatever. with that in mind, i'm doing a
hell of alot of training for a great many years so i'll be damned if i'm
going to fork out anything less than armagedan [sp?]. it would be the
most appauling thing to invest all this time if it didn't pan out. for that
reason i spend equal time on my mental state. i train people to keep
me fresh. in the spirit of 'chinamasta/chinamastika, the frightening
deity who tears off her own head and gulps down the blood spurting
from her corroted artery, i [the metaphor] enjoy the nector of my teaching
and training most of all, even before my students [the attendies also drinking
from that bloody fountain]. believe it or not, this is the real metaphoric
meaning of that bizzare depiction of that deity. if i were to invest in an
icon, she'd be it. in the dicotomized world of hindu icons, the she is the
seeker--the reflection of the deity. i'm fooking chinamasta when i train.

HOW: it's a ritual for me, a wicked kind of zen-gone-wrong ritual
-3 sets equals a pattern of how i train: the trilogy, my holy trilogy.
for open handed cross jabs for example, the first set is to establish form
integrity on the pads--serving as a warm up; the second set explores power--
feeling the real connections in my whole body doing this punch; the last is a
frenzy of rapid fires--drawing from form and power, but now explosive and
agry and realistically getting in first for a shit storm of an assault.
i have three different things that serve as my core, and about 3 more that
i only add on as one set at the end--so as not to have limitations in my skill set.
-i do the driving back drill whenever i can get volunteers. some like it, some
get a little overwhelmed. on the average, i can usually find one person a week
to exchange free training for a warm body to work out with. all that forward
drive builds up the reservoir of agro, and forward responses to violence. i think
i've been surprized enough times by knuckleheads to realize that this particular
training makes me move into people, rather than flinch/freeze. this is huge.
-head controls...hard to get volunteers. i usually have to only get 2 or 3 pressure
tests going with students...because the drill intimidates many. in short, who-ever's
turn it is...they stay up until they can put the opponent down. faux light strikes from
the opponent so it doesn't feel handed to them, much movement...much frustration
to some. they have to work for it, then put the person down. i usually don't resist
too much as i've found that students have some psychological block that convinces
them they can't down a teacher. so i just keep the game going and eventually allow
some gain/exploit to take me down. after a while, i don't have to do that...the mental
block has gone, and i'm the one trying to not go down, honestly, the way it should be.

these three pieces, i desperately try to keep going as they fire me up the most. i feel that
we draw from these experiences, so the nuttier they are, the better.

WHEN
nothing sacred here. so many flakes and so little time. i train whenever the fook i can
get an opportunity...whether it's 5 days one week, or 1 day the next. my part in it is
finding two days in a week to get on the pads--minimally [as stated above].

WHAT DOES IT DO FOR YOU?
this is one hat i don't wish to hang up. every mundane life needs a pressure valve. i have
several, this is a big one. when i walk down the street, i feel relaxed enough to see the world
around me [however realistically or unrealistically] as an extension of my training. the only
time i feel a bit uneasy is with my family--where i have to noticibly curb my short temper--over
riding my fear for them. my metaphorical scorpians tail goes up when i see mothers with their
children being harassed by nutters. other than that, the training affords me a weird kind of extreme
peace. perhaps not unlike my years at my gurus feet.
for the remaining years i have, i'm trying to merge the two. in my own way. because spirituality
is meaningless when piggybacking someone else's ferver. i can't comfortably step into a church
unless i hold my own integrity. i always feel it's the blind leading the blind. it's why i have no dogma
in fighting or matters of inner self development. it is a deeply personal matter that can only grow
if one knows their starting point. i left the ashram role playing new agey whispey voiced seekers...
and came back several times more whole--even as i was more salty, tattoo'd, and reserved. i now
had a true image of who i was, and from that foundation, was able to move slowly on my own road
to the truth, wherever it takes me.

Why:

hmmmm, well initially I got back into training to get out of a bad habit of having a "victim mentallity." I had ZERO confidence in myself and, for good reason... lol!

Now I had done martial arts (karate) through a few years as a child and into my teens but that was going on ten years ago now with no follow up since. I started with kickboxing and self defence... the SD was very 'systema' like. sunny

I'm not sure if a "victim mentality" is something that you carry on with you forever, and depending on what someone's been through, there are probably things that never go away. However, I no longer feel driven to train out of fear (in the post traumatic kind of way lol) I just enjoy the self improvement and have to admit, it's a bit like a drug. I love learning new skills and practicing... it's really a lot of fun to me Smile

How/When:

Well I try to do something everyday. Three times a week I'll hit the gym with a friend. I'll run for about 20-30 minutes then push some weights. I mostly go for higher reps of lighter weights and go for the burn Twisted Evil

On days in between gym visits I'll hit the bag and work on different strikes with some visualizations for aggression ramping Twisted Evil I can't do this evetytime I'm on the bag, as I find getting that ramped up for an hour every other day makes me too mentally tired to be serious about it and get a lot out of it.

Since I've got a monday - friday day job, my training is almost always in the evening.

What does it do for me:

Well, as I mentioned in the why part, initially I was looking to solve a lack of confidence and some other personal issues... however now I find myself just completely geeking out on styles and vids of different techniques and I'm finding it quite enjoyable to learn and grow. I get a kick out of trying new things and reaching new plateuas in training. It makes me smile, life is good Cool


since I'm in the middle of moving, my training will likely take a back seat to life for about a week or two. I can't wait until then as I'd really like to get back training a little harder. study
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PostSubject: Re: Who are you? We all have common ground, but are otherwise quite different, presumably.   Mon Jun 22, 2009 5:59 am

hiya DMB,
nice recap...and sounds like a nice routine. weights/bag alternating w/ kickboxing. i'm just
guessing it is in fact possible BTW
quote///
"I'm not sure if a "victim mentality" is something that you carry on with you forever, and depending on what someone's been through, there are probably things that never go away. However, I no longer feel driven to train out of fear (in the post traumatic kind of way)"

i think you've worn it away, whatever 'it' is like the way water smooths out the rocky edges of a river bank over time. i've met alot of people that hang on to experiences lest they feel it'll happen again. or desire to have it define them--in their hero story out of the shite that was once a reality. that's human nature i reckon. a family member of mine could not break these shackles--and in her defense came from generations of shite falling into bad patterns. it seems to have diluted over time but it is the scar that never leaves (as you hinted). but in many of our cases--i don't think you're an exception, we wear down that yoke through sweat, especially when decorated with some muscle memory of a fist finding it's way home on the odd--presumably not too frequent, occasion. we stand a better chance of shaking it because in the process of rebuilding, we've rebuilt ourselves so well our alter ego becomes another aspect of who we've always been able to become. i don't recognize the mixed up fooker i once was affraid and i've had bizzare other aspects of myself exist based on changes in family dynamics and moves over seas, etc...it's frightening how much a person can change--for the better or worse.

when i was in england--in my home town, i'd say i was on my way to becoming quite formidable. my mum, god bless her, didn't like the pattern my life was taking. she sent me overseas to my dad. i took my mum's gester as a lose to the rep i had established. it strangley allowed me to be caught up in my new found friend's value systems--to include taking on their fears. my baptism back to my former reality came by way of a terrible pressure test, PTSD and all. in the end i've left all previous versions of myself--not by choice, but by hard work and some muscle memory to form more concretely what is now harder to redefine...THANK GOD lol!

anyway mate, you're in good company Razz

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PostSubject: Re: Who are you? We all have common ground, but are otherwise quite different, presumably.   Mon Jun 22, 2009 5:29 pm

Russell Sage wrote:
hiya DMB,
nice recap...and sounds like a nice routine. weights/bag alternating w/ kickboxing. i'm just
guessing it is in fact possible BTW
quote///
"I'm not sure if a "victim mentality" is something that you carry on with you forever, and depending on what someone's been through, there are probably things that never go away. However, I no longer feel driven to train out of fear (in the post traumatic kind of way)"

i think you've worn it away, whatever 'it' is like the way water smooths out the rocky edges of a river bank over time. i've met alot of people that hang on to experiences lest they feel it'll happen again. or desire to have it define them--in their hero story out of the shite that was once a reality. that's human nature i reckon. a family member of mine could not break these shackles--and in her defense came from generations of shite falling into bad patterns. it seems to have diluted over time but it is the scar that never leaves (as you hinted). but in many of our cases--i don't think you're an exception, we wear down that yoke through sweat, especially when decorated with some muscle memory of a fist finding it's way home on the odd--presumably not too frequent, occasion. we stand a better chance of shaking it because in the process of rebuilding, we've rebuilt ourselves so well our alter ego becomes another aspect of who we've always been able to become. i don't recognize the mixed up fooker i once was affraid and i've had bizzare other aspects of myself exist based on changes in family dynamics and moves over seas, etc...it's frightening how much a person can change--for the better or worse.

when i was in england--in my home town, i'd say i was on my way to becoming quite formidable. my mum, god bless her, didn't like the pattern my life was taking. she sent me overseas to my dad. i took my mum's gester as a lose to the rep i had established. it strangley allowed me to be caught up in my new found friend's value systems--to include taking on their fears. my baptism back to my former reality came by way of a terrible pressure test, PTSD and all. in the end i've left all previous versions of myself--not by choice, but by hard work and some muscle memory to form more concretely what is now harder to redefine...THANK GOD lol!

anyway mate, you're in good company Razz

Thanks Russ.. . and yes, I think you're right about wearing away the old issues and leaving the previous version of yourself behind, somewhat subconsciously. that's a great analogy with the 'water wearing down the rocks' image. Looks like that applies to both our lives, and probably many other as well.

cheers mate sunny
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PostSubject: Re: Who are you? We all have common ground, but are otherwise quite different, presumably.   

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Who are you? We all have common ground, but are otherwise quite different, presumably.
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