Lack of Confidence

so i've been listening to your cds: psychology of violence, supra states, combative nuero linguistics (probably not as much as i should) i am seeing some change, but, my biggest problem is my lack of confidence in my skills. i know that my "martial art" is very effective (military combatives) yet, i always doubt that I personally can pull them off. the best way that i can put it is that i just lack confidence in my abilities. i feel like my opponent is always gonna be stronger, faster, better than me and if not that they will have a gun or something(i live in somewhat of a shady neighborhood)...i have no faith in my art or in myself...i dont know where to go from here...can you help?

-Bodhi

p.s.
i also do not have the option of training or sparring with others due to that my instructor does not want other people to be exposed to the art due to its extreme potential to be fatal.

confidence will come with time and knowledge....BUT you need to spar and train with others.....i dont think you are learning anything different than most other combatives out there.....so sure the techniques they use (or any fighter really) could be lethal but its the escalation of force that predicts the technique and its aggressiveness.....either train more with your instructor or grab a friend and just be safe....once you see and feel these techniques and get used to them while speeding up your moves at the same time will without a doubt help in building your confidence in yourself......once you feel it and see it working then youll be good to go :-) if you can pull it off on your instructor or another well trained student, then just imagine what you will do to joe shmoe who doesnt train and just watches ufc

cocktail wrote:

confidence will come with time and knowledge....BUT you need to spar and train with others.....i dont think you are learning anything different than most other combatives out there.....so sure the techniques they use (or any fighter really) could be lethal but its the escalation of force that predicts the technique and its aggressiveness.....either train more with your instructor or grab a friend and just be safe....once you see and feel these techniques and get used to them while speeding up your moves at the same time will without a doubt help in building your confidence in yourself......once you feel it and see it working then youll be good to go :-) if you can pull it off on your instructor or another well trained student, then just imagine what you will do to joe shmoe who doesnt train and just watches ufc

i do understand what you are saying, and i would like to spar. yet, that is truly not an option, the combatives i am learning are VERY different than what others are learning. i cannot really explain anymore than that. and my instructor lives about 3 hours away.

The part of your post that stands out the most is..

Quote :

p.s.
i also do not have the option of training or sparring with others due to that my instructor does not want other people to be exposed to the art due to its extreme potential to be fatal.

I see this as bullshit (from your instructor). Any good instructor wants his students to go and and experience other things and if they learn something new they may have something to teach the instructor.

All the best instructors encourage students to cross train and train with others.. and any instructor who 'wont let you' train with others, there is a big problem there. Its a kind of cult like mentality.

I had a big problem when doing TKD and started crosstraining and my instructor was being a dick about it, "you can't serve more than one master" and since I was already black belt I had a ok base and needed to expand because I wasn't learning much else from TKD.

We ended up getting in a big argument about it, I was being calm and just trying to put points across and he was being a dick so I fired back and that was the end of training there and I was glad because of his attitude.

This is what I see. And to explore this more my question is.. does your instructor jump in and actually really train with you and spar with you? (you meaning all the students).. or does he just always stand there and you only really see him demo a technique and thats it?

The extreme of this was in TKD, the master would sit up the front at gradings in a suit and do nothing, in about 5 years I seen him do very little, I thought back then he was 'untouchable' (I was in my teens then) but now I know it was totally rediculous.

-Ben

sssssssssss

Sparring certainly has it's place. It's practice against an uncompliant opponent.

It's certainly no good as your only means of testing your techniques but training without free sparring is also no use.
I believe a healthy combination of padwork, scenario training, free sparring and stamina work is important.

xxxxxxxxxxxx.

chulodogo wrote:

bodhikoyote

i can understand you, and also your teacher..

i know.. sparring is bullshit
but nice to do!! and in a strange way it build your confidence.

Sparring has nothing to do with fighting.

the primary points of hitting in fighting ar none of them allowed in sparring..
what use is to be struggeling out of a guard , if you can simply pull his eyes out, or knee in the balls?

Sparring is nice, soo you can consider a bjj, and kickboxing class. just for you stamina, power, And Fun..

i dont know excactly what kind of secret skills you learn.. .. your training is reflex, reflex, reflex, eye awareness, body feel, and speed speed, and point concentration... if it is this kind of training.. yeah your teacher is wright, sparring is dangerous than..

but if he only show you techniques.. like kenpo, or what kind of martial arts.. then i should choose to change my instructor.

let me know.

grts

you are the only one who has actually took what i said and took at as a reality. when people tell me that my instructor is bullshit and that he is teaching me wrong is not only disrespectful but helps me in no way, what so ever. But what my instructor is teaching me is not to fight, but to win. you cannot do preemptive strikes while sparring. so what you are telling me is that besides training by myself the only way to train is to engage for real?

Benjamin wrote:

The part of your post that stands out the most is..

Quote :

p.s.
i also do not have the option of training or sparring with others due to that my instructor does not want other people to be exposed to the art due to its extreme potential to be fatal.

I see this as bullshit (from your instructor). Any good instructor wants his students to go and and experience other things and if they learn something new they may have something to teach the instructor.

All the best instructors encourage students to cross train and train with others.. and any instructor who 'wont let you' train with others, there is a big problem there. Its a kind of cult like mentality.

I had a big problem when doing TKD and started crosstraining and my instructor was being a dick about it, "you can't serve more than one master" and since I was already black belt I had a ok base and needed to expand because I wasn't learning much else from TKD.

We ended up getting in a big argument about it, I was being calm and just trying to put points across and he was being a dick so I fired back and that was the end of training there and I was glad because of his attitude.

This is what I see. And to explore this more my question is.. does your instructor jump in and actually really train with you and spar with you? (you meaning all the students).. or does he just always stand there and you only really see him demo a technique and thats it?

The extreme of this was in TKD, the master would sit up the front at gradings in a suit and do nothing, in about 5 years I seen him do very little, I thought back then he was 'untouchable' (I was in my teens then) but now I know it was totally rediculous.

-Ben

first off, telling me that i am getting bullshit from my insructor is extremely disrespectful, and i do not appreciate it. your reply to me basically calls me and my instructor liars and has no valuable info that is worth anything to me.

Quote :

p.s.
i also do not have the option of training or sparring with others due to that my instructor does not want other people to be exposed to the art due to its extreme potential to be fatal.

could you please elaborate on this "art" you and your instructor are doing. What style is it? What type of techniques are there that are the potentially "fatal" ones. There are potentially fatal stikes and techniques in EVERY art. Hell, even a drunkin bar fight that has no technique what-so-ever, can throw some potentially fatal blows in the midst. I am very curious as to what you guys are doing.

BodhiKoyote; How long have you been training with your instructor? It may be that he just wants you to focus on his style if you are just beginning. If you're a relative beginner then the confidence would come with competence.
How much experience does your instructor have? If he hasn't successfully trained anyone before it may be his inexperience thats the issue.
There are lots of folk out there teaching effective techniques and concepts with a good degree of "aliveness" in their scenario drills. Investigate other options if you are unhappy with the results you have now with your current instructor.

Quote :

first off, telling me that i am getting bullshit from my insructor is extremely disrespectful, and i do not appreciate it. your reply to me basically calls me and my instructor liars and has no valuable info that is worth anything to me.

Well I will not apologize because any instructor who won't let you train with anyone out of the system or learn anything else, there is a problem there. I still don't know if the instructor gets in and really trains with you and the other students?

It sounds like one of those instructors who are like "these are my secret dangerous teachings that must not get out.. my dvd's will be banned by the government" type TRS advertising.

Now maybe some things you can't do in sparring. But you said 'training or sparring'.. there is alot of other things you could do if you got a training partner at home and your instructor not allowing that, as I said, something is wrong there.

All the best reality based systems have ways of training, usually its scenario training.. take Senshido, Lee Morrison, Sammy Franco, Tony Blauer.. none of them are like "you must not train or spar with anyone outside our class and they have dvd's as they are passionate about sharing this..

If they sat there and were like "don't share my system or train with anybody else" they would lose my respect.

Have you ever trained anywhere else? The first place I trained was like this and I accepted it back then, but now I know better.

Any instructor who has that attitude I would (and have) walked away from.. the best instructors that I have learnt the most from are the most open and want you to experience other training and share what you know..

-Ben

Quote :

i have no faith in my art or in myself...i dont know where to go from here...can you help?

Also it seems you are starting to realize and question it yourself anyway..

-Ben

sxxxxxxxxxxxx

i know that i oversimplify stuff. probably because it is more helpful to 'me'. maybe not to someone else. it sounds like you have some loyalty,
either through respect or friendship--or both. great. maybe watch some of Richie's//
dvd fence-work and fight drills and:
add them if they aren't there (in your system) because it may take care of the feelings you originally stated.
be happy if they are because this reflects sound game plan.

treat all this as a supplement to a system you seem to like. you don't have to feel torn if you're at a place you like. but what i will say as it relates to your original message. the violent intent dvd, the supra state
stuff. put this way up on your list of things to really think about (meditate on; whatever). my humble opinion after watching many highly skilled fighters cave under the mental requirements--i personally think if you were in some imaginary world where you can only chose one strength (the physical toughness or the mental), it had better be the mental. being clear when most are cloudy--kinda like. your mind would be happier with skills as well, but still better than a spring coil unable to process and carry out what you may be faced with.

if things seems a bit annoying/confusing, pick a few things to consider (my strategy) and add as clarity, etc... starts.

BodhiKoyote wrote:

so i've been listening to your cds: psychology of violence, supra states, combative nuero linguistics (probably not as much as i should) i am seeing some change, but, my biggest problem is my lack of confidence in my skills. i know that my "martial art" is very effective (military combatives) yet, i always doubt that I personally can pull them off. the best way that i can put it is that i just lack confidence in my abilities. i feel like my opponent is always gonna be stronger, faster, better than me and if not that they will have a gun or something(i live in somewhat of a shady neighborhood)...i have no faith in my art or in myself...i dont know where to go from here...can you help?

-Bodhi

p.s.
i also do not have the option of training or sparring with others due to that my instructor does not want other people to be exposed to the art due to its extreme potential to be fatal.

Bodhi

I dont mean to sound facetious, but usually when people tell me they lack confidence in their ability, I assume the intelligence of the unconscious self to know what is going on and that it is usually right.

With respect, if you lack confidence in your ability, could it not be that you dont merit confidence in your ability?

Please understand, I dont know you or your training. Im just trying to give you the most honest, simple, direct, common sense answer I can.

Are you saying you have reason to believe you should be confident but for a psychological reason you are not?

Otherwise, just train harder for longer and eventually that confidence will be justified.

My right hand is injured, I, like you, am also not confident.
I am not confident that if I hit someone with it it wont get more damaged.
I am learning cantonese, but Im not very good yet, Im not confident in my ability to converse.

It sounds like you are kind of looking for a psychological solution as a plaster to cover up a more tangible problem: you arent as good as you would like to be in this art you are studying ... yet!

Now if you want psychogical training to accelerate your learning of the H2H system you are in and to increase your motivation to train even on your "off" days, I can most certainly help.