Big asshole I work with.. how to deal with?

Hey guys,
I think this post goes the best in psychology.

It is about a guy I do security with, he is totally arrogant and the biggest asshole i've met.

Sure he is ok when he talks to you normal.. but at random times he will just insult you (by this I mean everybody).. and i'm starting to think it is because of his insecurity.

Like its one thing having funny comebacks to people talking shit and people who actually are behaving like idiots. But he does it to people who really don't deserve it. Like someone he doesn't know comes to the door by themselves and he is like "what the fuck do you want" or somebody has trouble opening the gate (bit of a dodgy gate) and he is like "you fucking idiot, don't you know how to use a fucking gate".

Or you could be talking to him normally, having a good converation and he will all of a sudden just go "shut up, nobody likes you"..

And sometimes he tries to play around and slaps me in the face.. I do it back a little bit but try not to too much in front of customers. But I feel that I have to show him not to fuck around. By slapping him around a little bit (though he weighs 60kg more than me). I think this may help with it because one night he was being a dick when I was holding the door open for some customers saying "close the fucking door what are you doing".. and I looked at him and said forcefully "hey, stop being a fuckhead!".. he got a little upset and said "im not being a fuckhead" and shut up for a while.. so it seems he quite likes to be an asshole, but can't handle it so well back.

Last night a friend who has a bit of experience in this area told me that if he had just come in to this place, didn't know us or anything, the first guy he would go through is the guy I just mentioned.. even though he is the biggest, and weighs 160 kilos.. because the way he carries himself and the way he is.

And confirming this another friend last night who doesn't go out much when he left he said kind of jokingly "tell your big mate not to be intimidated by me".. and pointed at the same guy..

So it seems like a case of him picking on the people he thinks he can get away with it.. so all his arrogance and insults is just due to insecurity and trying to look like a 'big man'.. well he is quite a big man in size.. but as I have sort of noticed and confirmed by 2 of my friends with experience that it all seems like a fascade and in reality he is not what he tries to present to the world.

Basically so far what I have discovered is not backing down to his shit and giving him shit back works the best.. but that can just keep going on forever and get worse and worse.

So I am posting this for some better strategies on how to deal with him.. he is not the best asset for the team because I continually have people coming up and complaining about him and stuff he said to them..

But I am not the boss and the boss so I will have to use other strategies to deal with him.

Any ideas?

-Ben

Best thing in my opinion with this kind of collegas, is.. find his weak point.... can be drug abuse, child, mother, father, i dont know what, but something thats bothering him.

you can find out to just talk with him in a way you are interest in his life, and all that..

ask how he become so big etc.. first he grow because you make him worht to talk about himself.. proberbly he can talk for hours.

later by the slip of the tong, he talk info he dont wanna talk..

he start to feel uncomfertable if hes around you.. if he play the big boy... so he can never go this road with you again..

This is the very very short way...

i hope you know what i mean.

and if you create a sort of friendship.. you have the gorilla on your site..

always nice.. haha

you can come on a same sort of level. if you can talk about his problems.. he like if you listen to him, and give him attention.. because tis guy with his behaviour is screaming for attention...



and please dont try to fight him if your not 100 percent sure you can handle him.. otherwise you be his bitch for life.

Benjamin wrote:

Hey guys,
I think this post goes the best in psychology.

It is about a guy I do security with, he is totally arrogant and the biggest asshole i've met.

Sure he is ok when he talks to you normal.. but at random times he will just insult you (by this I mean everybody).. and i'm starting to think it is because of his insecurity.

Like its one thing having funny comebacks to people talking shit and people who actually are behaving like idiots. But he does it to people who really don't deserve it. Like someone he doesn't know comes to the door by themselves and he is like "what the fuck do you want" or somebody has trouble opening the gate (bit of a dodgy gate) and he is like "you fucking idiot, don't you know how to use a fucking gate".

Or you could be talking to him normally, having a good converation and he will all of a sudden just go "shut up, nobody likes you"..

And sometimes he tries to play around and slaps me in the face.. I do it back a little bit but try not to too much in front of customers. But I feel that I have to show him not to fuck around. By slapping him around a little bit (though he weighs 60kg more than me). I think this may help with it because one night he was being a dick when I was holding the door open for some customers saying "close the fucking door what are you doing".. and I looked at him and said forcefully "hey, stop being a fuckhead!".. he got a little upset and said "im not being a fuckhead" and shut up for a while.. so it seems he quite likes to be an asshole, but can't handle it so well back.

Last night a friend who has a bit of experience in this area told me that if he had just come in to this place, didn't know us or anything, the first guy he would go through is the guy I just mentioned.. even though he is the biggest, and weighs 160 kilos.. because the way he carries himself and the way he is.

And confirming this another friend last night who doesn't go out much when he left he said kind of jokingly "tell your big mate not to be intimidated by me".. and pointed at the same guy..

So it seems like a case of him picking on the people he thinks he can get away with it.. so all his arrogance and insults is just due to insecurity and trying to look like a 'big man'.. well he is quite a big man in size.. but as I have sort of noticed and confirmed by 2 of my friends with experience that it all seems like a fascade and in reality he is not what he tries to present to the world.

Basically so far what I have discovered is not backing down to his shit and giving him shit back works the best.. but that can just keep going on forever and get worse and worse.

So I am posting this for some better strategies on how to deal with him.. he is not the best asset for the team because I continually have people coming up and complaining about him and stuff he said to them..

But I am not the boss and the boss so I will have to use other strategies to deal with him.

Any ideas?

-Ben

Use the mirror effect on him. This is from a book called "The 48 Laws of Power" by Robert Greene.

Disarm and Infuriate with the Mirror Effect

The mirror reflects reality, but it is also the perfect tool for deception: When you mirror your enemies, doing exactly as they do, they cannot figure out your strategy. The Mirror Effect mocks and humiliates them, making them overreact. By holding up a mirror to their psyches, you seduce them with the illusion that you share their values; by holding up a mirror to their actions, you teach them a lesson. Few can resist the power of Mirror Effect.