|
|
| Author | Message |
|---|
Russ the Muss
Admin
Posts: 1560
Join date: 2008-04-17
Age: 43
Location: Washington DC
 |  Subject: Re: Jokes/Riddles? (Sticky?)  Tue Oct 20, 2009 2:47 pm | |
| |
|
  | |
Mike2010
Posts: 296
Join date: 2009-09-08
Location: Cumbria, UK
| | Subject: Re: Jokes/Riddles? (Sticky?) Tue Oct 20, 2009 5:06 pm | |
| God looks down on the Earth and decides we are all fucked unless he sends Jesus down to atone for our sins again. Upon climbing the mount and declaring himself the Son of God he is quickly dismissed as a fucking looney, so after much soul searching in the desert God tells him "Become a man of the people, get a job" Next morning he's straight down the Job Centre. "So Mr Christ, what experience do you have?" asks the clerk. "I was a fisher of men and I used to help my Joseph with his carpentry as a youth" "Got two Carpenters Mate jobs on my screen.." replies the clerk; "One in Jerusalem £2000 a week, company vehicle, full benefits and a lodging allowance. Or there's Aberdeen, for minimum wage" Jesus exclaims: "Aberdeen! No contest - I'll take that. Last time I worked in Jerusalem they nailed me with tax" |
|
| | |
Mike2010
Posts: 296
Join date: 2009-09-08
Location: Cumbria, UK
| | Subject: Re: Jokes/Riddles? (Sticky?) Tue Oct 20, 2009 5:38 pm | |
| Oh god, this one is brilliant! | Quote: | | Trigonometry: It's hyp to b squared. |
|
|
| | |
Mike2010
Posts: 296
Join date: 2009-09-08
Location: Cumbria, UK
| | Subject: Re: Jokes/Riddles? (Sticky?) Thu Oct 22, 2009 12:53 pm | |
| | Bill Gates wrote: | | If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0 |
| Quote: | Staring up at the sky, I watched a cloud shaped just like a tongue
float into a cloud shaped like a vagina.
I thought ....... that must be the first sighting of a Cumulolingus |
|
|
| | |
Mike2010
Posts: 296
Join date: 2009-09-08
Location: Cumbria, UK
| | Subject: Re: Jokes/Riddles? (Sticky?) Fri Oct 23, 2009 9:48 pm | |
| From the BBC website: | Quote: | | "Hundreds flock to rare bird sighting in Tyneside". |
Apparently she is slim, attractive and sober.
| Quote: | Two stupid yobs broke my windscreen today.
Then again I could of swerved out the way. |
|
|
| | |
Mike2010
Posts: 296
Join date: 2009-09-08
Location: Cumbria, UK
| | Subject: Re: Jokes/Riddles? (Sticky?) Mon Oct 26, 2009 6:30 pm | |
| | Quote: | My mum ran off with the milkman when I was eight years old.
Watching them drive away on his float were the worst three hours of my life. |
| Quote: | I like the adverts for games consoles; everyone is always so happy.
But for once I'd like a realistic advert, I propose an overweight man hurling a controller at the wall and calling the game a 'cheating bastard'. |
|
|
| | |
Mike2010
Posts: 296
Join date: 2009-09-08
Location: Cumbria, UK
| | Subject: Re: Jokes/Riddles? (Sticky?) Mon Nov 02, 2009 4:04 pm | |
| | Quote: | Life is like a box of chocolates.
Shit if you're diabetic. |
| Quote: | | But if Elton John does die, who's going to sing at his funeral?! |
| Quote: | I'm a hypochondriac with an inferiority complex.
It hurts when everyone laughs at me. |
| Quote: | | After hearing today that currys can cure cancer I can't help but feel that Shilpa Shetty had the last laugh. |
I think only football (soccer) fans will get this:
| Quote: | I would just like to take this opportunity to congratulate Marlon King on his very first hat trick.
Rumour has it he scored three times in the showers this morning. |
|
|
| | |
Blakops
Posts: 485
Join date: 2009-09-19
Location: Exeter, Devon, U.K.
| | Subject: Re: Jokes/Riddles? (Sticky?) Mon Nov 02, 2009 4:50 pm | |
|  Lovely, good Marlon King joke, bastard deserves it. Alcohol is not an excuse, Magistrates & Judges please take note. I read in the paper that someone mugged a dwarf. How could anybody stoop that low? |
|
| | |
Mike2010
Posts: 296
Join date: 2009-09-08
Location: Cumbria, UK
| | Subject: Re: Jokes/Riddles? (Sticky?) Mon Nov 02, 2009 4:53 pm | |
| Hahahahahaha, terrible. Do they put dwarf porn on the top shelf? |
|
| | |
roadkill
Posts: 461
Join date: 2008-10-06
Location: US Fl. Earth
| | Subject: Re: Jokes/Riddles? (Sticky?) Tue Nov 03, 2009 3:23 am | |
| |
|
| | |
Blakops
Posts: 485
Join date: 2009-09-19
Location: Exeter, Devon, U.K.
| | Subject: Re: Jokes/Riddles? (Sticky?) Tue Nov 03, 2009 12:54 pm | |
| Roadkill, do you have a link to a larger version? there are a few people (friends) who fill my inbox with this crap on a regular basis & I would love to innudate them with this for a week. See how they like it. Rising unemployment? That's just idle talk. |
|
| | |
roadkill
Posts: 461
Join date: 2008-10-06
Location: US Fl. Earth
| |
| | |
roadkill
Posts: 461
Join date: 2008-10-06
Location: US Fl. Earth
| | Subject: Re: Jokes/Riddles? (Sticky?) Wed Nov 04, 2009 2:56 pm | |
| |
|
| | |
roadkill
Posts: 461
Join date: 2008-10-06
Location: US Fl. Earth
| | Subject: Re: Jokes/Riddles? (Sticky?) Wed Nov 04, 2009 3:14 pm | |
| |
|
| | |
Russ the Muss
Admin
Posts: 1560
Join date: 2008-04-17
Age: 43
Location: Washington DC
| |
| | |
|
